January
Seems like forever ago. We had friends Dave and Jason over for dinner. I cooked and cleaned, food was good, company was better. My brother JCS and I drove up to San Fransisco to see my sister and sister-in-law. We discovered that JCS has a fear of bridges, which he somewhat-conquered by willingly crossing over the Bay Bridge. Attended the bris of AJB’s cousin’s newborn son Jackson. It was interesting to witness this ceremony. Strange and interesting, but also very special.

February
In February, things were going well business-wise and I was quite busy. I wrote about learning to cook for the kids, learning that kids today have no Saturday Morning Cartoon rituals, and procuring the Wii Fit – which we used quite a lot at the time. AJB and I had a nice Valemtimes Day; Dinner and a movie. That month, we took my Mom to see the local production of the “The Wonderful Ice Cream Suit” in South Pasadena, finding out what happened to that kid from Herbie Goes Bananas. Todd moved to Morocco, re-homing his cat Eva with us. She is Matilda’s sister, but there would be many obstacles to overcome, integrating two head-strong cats. I shot stills for a webshow-pilot called Sonny McCleans that never saw the light of day. Several early mornings in a bar in Santa Monica shooting scenes. I loved it and learned I can also shoot stills pretty well. I ended up not going to the pilot viewing for some reason. I guess I didn’t feel like it.

March
Things started getting complicated in March. I turned 34 and had a lack-luster party, causing me to imagine that I might need to be a little more proactive with the people I call friends. I started to stress about the wedding and how we had little time to plan. AJB and I went to Washington DC, had a nice time touring our Nation’s capitol, visiting the Lincoln Memorial and others. I was tired most of the trip. In March, I did a parasite cleanse, which wasn’t fun, but turns out is probably necessary. We came upon the 2 year anniversary of my Dad’s passing. March is always a hard month. It’s hard to commemorate my Dad’s death and then get into birthday mode just a few weeks later. We saw The Watchmen and it sucked, leaving a bad taste in our mouths for months to come. I would be contacted by a graphic designer who wanted me to become his company’s new photographer and give him a cut of the profits. It was a strange deal which involved him re-designing my website to impress his boss, meeting the owner dressed like a professional, and up-selling myself in a way I’d never done before. My sister and sister-in-law were in town to help me buy a “professional” outfit. I didn’t get the job. Mostly because I think the owner was a cheapskate and never really had any interest in re-shooting the entire catalog and not for the price I was quoting – which was on the low end. I was still getting a decent amount of work.

April
Spring was here and I was feeling springy. I started planting in my garden and feeling homey. I made butter, but haven’t done it again since. I was thinking a lot about the wedding, trying to figure out what to do about my dress. Get it made or buy it? Swine Flu was big news, but I wasn’t worried. Business was slow and I was working hard to get more money in; with little success.

May
The wedding was starting to encompass my entire life. My Mom, JCS, AJB, and I were busting ass to get the Save the Dates out. They were legendary and so totally worth the time and effort. I started an internship with the famous photographer David LaChapelle. I was really excited. I would soon learn how cruel people are to their interns; and how the word “intern” really just means “free labor”. My sister came down from Vallejo. I really wish I’d blog more. AJB and I went to a performance of Leviathan 99. It was live radio performance. I was in the same room with Ray Bradbury, William Shatner, and Walter Koenig. I met Walter Koenig. Nerd heaven. *I’ve met Bradbury several times before this and didn’t feel the need to bother him at this occasion.

June
Lots of celebrities died: Ed McMahon, Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, and Sky Saxon. I was still fighting eczema flare-ups which were causing me a good deal of stress – to think, I’d have rash-face at my wedding? This only made the rashes worse. I started seeing a homeopathic doctor, which didn’t really help, despite the expense. He had me go on a allergy-elimination diet, giving up all the food I love for weeks. Coffee was the hardest. I was pretty happy when I got back on it. My future Mother-in-Law came into town. AJB’s aunt and uncle threw us a sweet, little, engagement party at Buca di Beppo. It was a lot of fun and the staff spelled my name wrong on the cake.

July
I did an amazing photoshoot. The theme was Sid and Nancy at home – what would happen if they got married and lived a normal life? It was epic. I still haven’t edited the photos. I needed something to get my mind off the wedding and it worked, briefly. I only posted twice in July. We met with our Eco-Friendly wedding planner for the first time. She would later prove frustrating. Took Oatmeal to the vet and discovered he has heartworms. Traveled to Chicago (missing Comic-Con) for our Mid-Western engagement party; thrown by AJB’s mom. We took my Mom and had a great time showing her the city. It was her first trip to Chicago and she had a blast. A few jobs were coming in, but nothing substantial. The kids left for their yearly trip to Ireland.

August
Wedding plans were in full swing. Almost the entire month is colored-coded Orange on our shared calendar. My sister came into town to help with wedding prep. Lots to do, stress was high, and I was still fighting eczema, even though it wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been in previous months. AJB and I went to Chicago again; I can’t remember why. The day we got back, AJB, JCS, and I attended a town hall meeting with Rep. Adam Schiff over health care. It was one of those crazy town halls with people screaming that Obama was organizing death panels. Got some great photos. Two weeks later, the San Gabriel mountains caught fire. The “Station Fire” took over the entire landscape, burning thousands of acres. We could see the inferno from our back porch. I got some amazing photos. The air quality was crap for weeks.

September
More wedding stuff. Busy, busy, busy and totally overwhelmed. I was stressed and tired. My sister and Mom put together an absolutely lovely wedding shower for us. Lots of people showed up, but we still had lots of left over food and Margarita mix. Our wedding planner, Amy, was out of town dealing with her father who had a stroke. We started to panic. We still had a million things to do and were floundering without her. I was attempting to work and plan the wedding at the same time, killing myself in the process. This is when we really got serious about planning the wedding. A bit, late, even.

October
Orange coloring coding floods our shared calendar. Wedding blitz mania!! It was the craziest month of the year, a non-stop cavalcade of wedding tasks, excursions to Downtown, meetings, walk-thrus, dress fittings, and choices. It’s a bit of an in-focus blur. Our Halloween wedding was one of the most beautiful days of my life; even if 40% of the attending guests didn’t even get us a card. It’s true. We get the whole recession part, but not even a card? Really? The wedding party looked gorgeous, it was like the end of a Frank Capra film. AJB’s kids were beyond amazing and I couldn’t help but feel thankful the entire day even though it went by in a flash. I have yet to send out thank you cards or rifle through the 1000′s of images taken on that day. My baby brother in Omaha married his girlfriend, the mother of his lovely son, in a secret City Hall wedding; no one was invited and we found out two days after the fact.

November
Our honeymoon in Paris got off to a weird start, but we more than made up for it by staying an extra 5 days; even if AJB missed IAAPA. Paris is a delightful city, but it’s labyrinth-like, a bit intimidating, and massive. I took a million photos, but (as usual) have not gone through them. I suppose I feel like I need to give them time to settle. When we got back, we were quickly off to Chicago for Thanksgiving. There we witnessed the disappointing pre-Broadway production of The Addam’s Family Musical. We also saw Young Frankenstein The Musical, which was a lot of fun. We stayed a week and as much as I love AJB’s old hometown, I was ready to come home. Naturally, when we did, we were slammed back into the realities of everyday life; including a dead rat in the wall and tales of a dead bird under our bed.

December
A hectic month, slow acclimation to my new life as Mrs. AJB. I was not ready for Christmas, though I suppose I never am. I told myself that I’d use December to organize the house, but I’ve done only minor tasks and one or two major ones – there is still a lot to do. I also told myself I’d get back to work in January, but I’m not really prepared. Add to the overall chaos of the holidays, we’ve made a decision which will be revealed in 2010. AJB doesn’t like me blabbing about these things and I suppose he’s right. In December, Pierre started hanging around the yard. I wonder if he’s staying. I hope so, I just bought him a $70 outdoor cat shelter. I made it through the year without anyone I love dying.

Resolutions
I don’t generally like making resolutions because I end up forgetting about them and not completing any of them. I know what I need to do.

2009 was a strange year, one I won’t forget anytime soon. It was the year I got married, after all. I’m looking forward to 2010, but I am filled with trepidation, excitement, anxiety, and hope. 2010, like 2009, will be a contradiction, good and bad. I feel good things coming, but can’t shake feelings that bad things will happen too. Well, that’s life, isn’t it. Good and bad. Seems a common theme, anyway.

Happy New Year.

See what happened in 2008.

I often think about the differences in the passing of time. It goes slow when we’re kids and fast when we’re adults. Is it simply about having a basis of reference? An hour is only 60 small minutes and each one of those is 60 small seconds. I guess knowing how long it takes to do something, takes the fun out of it. When you’re a kid, you have no concept of time beyond being home before sunset. You also don’t care about time. You don’t wear a watch until you get your first one in 10th grade and even then, you often forget to wind it. When the battery dies, you stop wearing it. Or at least, I did. I still have the watch my Dad gave me in 10th grade.

This year hasn’t passed any faster than all those that came before it. So why does it feel that way? Once Christmas is over it’s on to New Year’s Eve and the whole thing starts all over again. Except this time, you’re a year older and perhaps a little wiser.

2008 was the year I started my freelancing career. In January I was liberated from Hot Topic the same day my Grandpa Ernie died.

In February we had a lunar eclipse and I took a really great photo of it. We also fired our gardeners and I took on the yard. I’ve regretted it ever since. Poloroid announced they were ceasing production of their iconic instant film.

In March, I turned 33. I didn’t talk about my birthday and can’t remember what I did. A full year passed since my Dad died. March was hard. I did an amazing photo session with an old boyfriend. I got into an accident on the 5-FWY in which my car was damaged and the squirrel died. My baby brother announced that his (hated) girlfriend was pregnant – this would cause a devastating family rift that is still unresolved.

In April, I went to Japan. A life’s dream come to fruition. April was a good month. I also learned why you shouldn’t get wasted on a long flight home.

In May, a friend I’ve known since first grade got married. I went to the wedding by myself. Gas prices were the highest in my lifetime.

In June, Wall-E came out. It remains one of the most beautiful movies I’ve ever seen. I saw Peter Murphy at the House of Blues. The Apricots on our tree came in. I had this wild idea of making jam, but the fruit went bad very quickly and I missed the boat.

In July, AJB and I went to Chicago to see his mom. The cicada were in full force. That month, we attended Comic-Con in San Diego and even though I wrote about it, I never published the post. I just did. I embraced Twitter and got into more trouble with the law – expired tags and mysteriously missing insurance information.

In August, we had what might have been an attempted break-in or maybe ghosts. My sister visited for a weekend. I made a YouTube video to take part in an online piano teaching experiment. I still haven’t started because the book is expensive.

By September, the heat was getting to me. I didn’t write much and didn’t get a whole lot done over Summer in general. I did some photo shoots here and there. I started up with a cool vintage clothing store that offers self satisfaction over heaps of cash.

In October, Obama-fever was setting in. AJB and I celebrated our 4 year anniversary by getting engaged. I voted early in Norwalk and waited 4 hours. My sister came into town and helped me pick out my engagement ring. On Halloween, we drove out to Vegas to canvass for Obama.

November, Obama won the election and all was right with the world. Mostly. We stayed in Nevada until the 5th. AJB bought my ring and presented it to me on the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland. A week or so later, we traveled to Florida for a theme park convention. I had a headache for three days, but got to meet lots of people and saw Universal Orlando and Islands of Adventure. Starbucks unleashed their Gingerbread Lattes as “Ginger Snap Lattes”. My brother’s baby was born. Welcome Micheal Joseph Simental.

In December, we traveled to Chicago and New York. I saw Jersey Boys in Chi-Town and Liza in Manhattan. My brother, my Mom, and I saw Frankie Valli in San Bernardino. Bettie Page and Majel Barrett died. Christmas came and went. I was unprepared but it all came together in the end. I announced to my family that AJB and I were getting married – they all knew something was up, but thought I might be pregnant. LOL.

And now, here we are. The end of 2008. Is it just me or do years get more and more momentous as you get older? A long time friend got married, my grandpa died, I started my career, I went to Japan, Chicago (twice), New York, and Florida. I traveled more in 2008 than any other year. My brother had a baby and I got engaged. 2008 was filled with excitement and many life changing events. 2009 brings new promise, but I am hesitant to say it’s going to be great because I just don’t know. I do know that in 2009 I will be planning my wedding, turning 34, and getting married. The uncertainty of this economic crisis is casting a dark cloud over the new year. Who knows what the future will bring? *We are all interested in the future because that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.

See what happened in 2007

*Crisswell, Ed Wood

2007 will always be the year my dad died. Even though other events skirted in and out of sunrises and sunsets, it’s hard to think about anything else. I lost so much this year. The family (en masse) I once knew seems to be a reasonable facsimile of the vivacious group of people I spent my holidays with. Are we closer? I don’t know. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Fantasies bring pictures of uniting through tragedy and while this is sometimes the case, it isn’t often. Alas, I am unsure of what it will take and often wonder that I might have to trudge on without them. Maybe it just takes time.

2007 was also the year I moved in with my boyfriend. We got into a grand house in a grand neighborhood. I see his children more often and I am now hostess to my family’s year Christmas Eve Spectacular. My life isn’t anything like it was a year ago. Every thing’s changed. It’s funny how you can actually track the changes, if you want to. The choices you make and the choices that are made for you. They shape you and mold you. If you’re not careful, you may end up becoming someone you hardly recognize. And that has been my battle, my haunted quest. Who I become in the wake of my father’s death is now up for discussion.

One year ago tonight I was trapped in Albuquerque, snowed-in during what eventually became the largest snow storm New Mexico had ever seen. I often wonder about these things. You see, I didn’t really want to go home. I wanted to spend as much time with my dad as possible. The snow storm made it possible. Thanks to nature and it’s unpredictability, I was granted a few more precious days. We didn’t do anything. We watched TV, talked a little, he slept, we slept. It was nice and I treasure those days. When I drove away, I cried. I guess I must have known that he wouldn’t make it. Even though my brain lied to me and told me he’d be fine, my soul knew different.

In 2007 I received money my dad left me and bought a professional camera, a highly expensive lens, and a new iMac. I don’t think I could have ever afforded any of that if it hadn’t been for my dad.

During the trials and tribulations of 2007, I suffered and continue to suffer from stress related eczema. I haven’t liked talking about it because it’s highly personal, unflattering, and annoying. I’m resolve in my belief that I won’t have it much longer and that because of it, I have altered my eating habits and am honestly trying to live a more healthy and productive life. I’m still a work in progress, but the way I figure…I’m working on it. That’s a good thing. The holidays set me back a bit, but I guess the point is to keep trying.

2007 was the hardest year of my life. Even though every day it gets a little better, I remain slightly broken. Adding salt to my wounds, my grandfather was recently admitted to the hospital. I’m not really sure what’s going on, but apparently he’s getting sent home and might still be in bad shape. How well do 90 year olds recover from this sort of thing? I imagine not well and while he might go home, he won’t be healthy, he’ll be a lot more frail and his days will be numbered. I guess at 90, they already are. There are also various custody battles going on over my grandfather and his future is highly uncertain.

2007 was a bad year mixed with small tinges of good. I also went to New York, a town I love more than a whole lot of other towns. I had dinner with Ray Bradbury at Disneyland’s Club 33, I got a new iPhone, my baby brother got engaged to a girl no one likes, my siblings divvied up my dad’s remaining possessions, my boyfriend and I discovered that we still like each other enough to live together after miscellaneous growing pains, and I accomplished several amazing photo shoots. I’m in a whole new place. My mind, my soul, everything. It’s all new and scary and difficult.

What lies ahead for 2008? Do I dare make resolutions? I figure, why bother? I won’t follow them anyhow and like 2007, I’ll simply hope for the best. I know things will get better because I want them to. I’ll continue to make strides and will strive to create a life my dad would be proud of. As each day passes, the reality of his demise will set in a little more and I’ll stop wishing it weren’t true and simply accept it as fact. In 2008 my brother will most likely get married and I’ll see Omaha for the first time. I’ll probably hate it. In the coming year, I might find financial independence or I might chicken out and stick to the status quo. I might find some semblance of bravery and go after the things I want with gusto. Time will tell, the days will pass, and they fly by faster every year. 2008 will pass faster than 2007 and I’ll be one year older. Things will continue to change and so will I.

See what happened in 2006.

I am currently snowed in. Stuck in Rio Rancho, New Mexico with 8 inches of snow outside, closed roads, and nasty weather conditions. My brother and I were to leave today, back to Pasadena, 13 hours in the car, and eventually home. It didn’t happen. It started snowing last night and for some reason, we all thought it wouldn’t last, that we could leave on schedule. It snowed all day today. For a girl born and raised in Southern California’s mild climate, snow is a sort of novelty. Once my family and I went up to Big Bear; ran around in the snow, constructed a snow bear (of which my father adorned with a cast away beer bottle), but that was like, 17 years ago. Since then, I’ve seen patches of snow here and there in miscellaneous places, but never real, honest-to-goodness snowfall like this. I mean, it was snowing all freakin’ day! Matter of fact, it’s still snowing, which means my brother and I may stay another day. At one point during the day, my youngest brother (who is unable to leave due to canceled flights, the brother from Omaha) played in the backyard hurling snowballs at one another. He made a snow angel, but it looked more like moved around snow. Mostly, we stayed on the couch and watched TV and looked at snow from the window. I took a nap. This entire week has been very relaxed. More than wanting to see side towns and landmarks, I was happy sitting on the couch next to my dad watching local news. Through his illness, he’s remained mostly sedentary in a worn out corner of the couch, catching up on daytime television, sleeping, and complaining of miscellaneous pains. All I really wanted to accomplish by this trip, I’ve done: Hang out with my dad.

Christmas itself was a nice, mellow day. My sister and sister-in-law flew in from Vallejo Valley (outside San Francisco). My baby brother flew in from Omaha. We all watched Christmas movies, ate, opened presents, and spent some much needed time together. Albeit a little stressed due to my dad’s condition, I couldn’t have asked for a better holiday. We even made it out to Santa Fe for a few hours before it got really cold. On the 26th, my boyfriend…let me rephrase, my awesome boyfriend, flew in from Los Angeles to spend a few days with me before he darted off to Chicago where his kids were waiting for him. We exchanged gifts and ate meals together. I slept two nights at the local Hyatt Resort…two nights on a real bed, rather than the air mattress I’ve been occupying lately. Mostly, however, this trip can best be described as simple and quiet. Aside from trips to the doctor, my dad isn’t really able to get out, so I’m happy when he’s awake, talking and joking.

I want to go home, but I don’t. I miss my cats, but I’m not nearly ready to return to the real world. A world without snow, a world far away from my dad, and back to the grindstone. Work. I’ve hardly thought about it this week. Somehow the people, the tasks, the work-flow, the noise, and the headaches are so far away and unimportant. I would drop it all if my Dad asked me to. He won’t ask and by New Year’s Eve, I should be back in my messy little apartment cuddling with my kitties, and preparing to return to work. I’m filled with thoughts of leaving it all behind; with thoughts of more important things like family and personal goals. Life. It’s short and the people who make my life miserable are easier to toss aside than I think. If only in my mind.

It’s the end of another year. Another year come and gone, good things, bad things, all the (fucking) yin and yang I can handle. This past week was filled with comfort and joy, happiness and sorrow. Comfort in knowing my family can honestly pull together when the going gets rough. Joy that my boyfriend makes time for me in the form of grand gestures. Happiness that my Dad is alive. Sorrow that he’s sick and I’m going home. Mostly happy that I am loved by the people I love. If nothing else, this year was a lesson in life…life isn’t fair, it isn’t always fun. Bad things happen, but good things do too. Even when things seem their darkest, I must always search for a silver lining. I have to.