What a strange, horrible, and exciting year this has been. 2006 was the year my Grandma Lena died, my boyfriend’s father died, I got a new car, my old boss left, I got a new boss, I went to Europe, went to Las Vegas, took small steps to becoming an independent photographer, received fulltime status at work with benefits, my dad moved to New Mexico, my baby brother moved to Omaha, my mother was diagnosed with diabetes, we found out two of my cousins have schizophrenia, my sister and sister-in-law bought a house, and finally, my father was diagnosed with cancer. Right now, I can’t come up with the full list of goods and bads because I’m just too darned tired.
I am currently snowed in. Stuck in Rio Rancho, New Mexico with 8 inches of snow outside, closed roads, and nasty weather conditions. My brother and I were to leave today, back to Pasadena, 13 hours in the car, and eventually home. It didn’t happen. It started snowing last night and for some reason, we all thought it wouldn’t last, that we could leave on schedule. It snowed all day today. For a girl born and raised in Southern California’s mild climate, snow is a sort of novelty. Once my family and I went up to Big Bear; ran around in the snow, constructed a snow bear (of which my father adorned with a cast away beer bottle), but that was like, 17 years ago. Since then, I’ve seen patches of snow here and there in miscellaneous places, but never real, honest-to-goodness snowfall like this. I mean, it was snowing all freakin’ day! Matter of fact, it’s still snowing, which means my brother and I may stay another day. At one point during the day, my youngest brother (who is unable to leave due to canceled flights, the brother from Omaha) played in the backyard hurling snowballs at one another. He made a snow angel, but it looked more like moved around snow. Mostly, we stayed on the couch and watched TV and looked at snow from the window. I took a nap. This entire week has been very relaxed. More than wanting to see side towns and landmarks, I was happy sitting on the couch next to my dad watching local news. Through his illness, he’s remained mostly sedentary in a worn out corner of the couch, catching up on daytime television, sleeping, and complaining of miscellaneous pains. All I really wanted to accomplish by this trip, I’ve done: Hang out with my dad.
Christmas itself was a nice, mellow day. My sister and sister-in-law flew in from Vallejo Valley (outside San Francisco). My baby brother flew in from Omaha. We all watched Christmas movies, ate, opened presents, and spent some much needed time together. Albeit a little stressed due to my dad’s condition, I couldn’t have asked for a better holiday. We even made it out to Santa Fe for a few hours before it got really cold. On the 26th, my boyfriend…let me rephrase, my awesome boyfriend, flew in from Los Angeles to spend a few days with me before he darted off to Chicago where his kids were waiting for him. We exchanged gifts and ate meals together. I slept two nights at the local Hyatt Resort…two nights on a real bed, rather than the air mattress I’ve been occupying lately. Mostly, however, this trip can best be described as simple and quiet. Aside from trips to the doctor, my dad isn’t really able to get out, so I’m happy when he’s awake, talking and joking.
I want to go home, but I don’t. I miss my cats, but I’m not nearly ready to return to the real world. A world without snow, a world far away from my dad, and back to the grindstone. Work. I’ve hardly thought about it this week. Somehow the people, the tasks, the work-flow, the noise, and the headaches are so far away and unimportant. I would drop it all if my Dad asked me to. He won’t ask and by New Year’s Eve, I should be back in my messy little apartment cuddling with my kitties, and preparing to return to work. I’m filled with thoughts of leaving it all behind; with thoughts of more important things like family and personal goals. Life. It’s short and the people who make my life miserable are easier to toss aside than I think. If only in my mind.
It’s the end of another year. Another year come and gone, good things, bad things, all the (fucking) yin and yang I can handle. This past week was filled with comfort and joy, happiness and sorrow. Comfort in knowing my family can honestly pull together when the going gets rough. Joy that my boyfriend makes time for me in the form of grand gestures. Happiness that my Dad is alive. Sorrow that he’s sick and I’m going home. Mostly happy that I am loved by the people I love. If nothing else, this year was a lesson in life…life isn’t fair, it isn’t always fun. Bad things happen, but good things do too. Even when things seem their darkest, I must always search for a silver lining. I have to.
