As usual, from the last post until today, I have started and stopped a dozen entries. By now, so much is going on, that all I can really do is sum up.

I’ve started thinking about why I’m not blogging as much as I used to. Could be that not a whole lot is going on…no, wait, that’s not true. All kinds of things are going on. And then it hits me: Twitter. AJB mentioned something about how his own blog has suffered at the hands of Twitter. I make mini-updates throughout the day, so why go back and write the long version? People get the point, right? Do I want my life memorialized in tiny, bite sized chunks or do I want to remember things the way they happened? Is there a difference?

Is “Watched TV for an hour” better than “Last night, the kids and I watched Star Trek together. It was their idea and I was happy to discover that Cat has a mean crush on Spock…which doesn’t mirror my own infatuation with Kirk, but hey…it’s Trek and we don’t have to like the same things. We’re still in the same category. It’s wonderful to see that AJB’s kids are latching onto things that I like and while we all like each other very much, it’s awesome to have pop-culture references to geek out over together. This always leads me back to the conclusion that I am the luckiest soon-to-be step-mom in history.”

I for one, like the elaboration. And by the way, that’s a true story. After watching the new JJ Abrams Star Trek, the kids have really gotten into the world of Star Trek. It piqued their interest and they now want to watch more of the original series – which makes my heart sing. Because, as you know, I’m a huge Trek fan. Not the kind that dresses up, but I do go to conventions and swoon in geekiness. Actually, I’d dress up if I could. I’ve always wanted one of those Operations Division uniforms for females. You know, the Uhura dress. I digress, where was I? Except, hold on, the Star Trek Grand Slam is taking place in November at the LAX Marriott. I think I’ll be on my honeymoon.

Onto other topics now.

On Tuesday, I saw a new doctor to help me with my skin condition – the elusive and determined eczema rashes on my hands and now, my face. Dude, I’m one of those gross weirdos with rashes on their faces. You know the kind of person you see on the bus, red patches all over their cheeks and mouth, you try not to stare, but you can’t help yourself? That’s me. AJB says it’s not that bad, but he doesn’t have to look at me in the mirror everyday. Ugly or not, it’s been rather uncomfortable as well. That said, I also can’t get married with rashes on my face. There is some reason why it’s not going away. Despite all my best efforts, it lessens, but never goes away. The good news is, it’s not nearly as bad as it was a year ago. I’m obviously exaggerating. It’s not that bad. It’s bad enough that I need to take drastic action.

This new doctor has put me on an allergy elimination diet – this means I cut out any potentially offending foods. After two weeks, I reintroduce foods one by one. The hardest thing to give up has been coffee. As a result, I had a killer migraine for 2 days. I spent those days in pain or sleeping. Today is the 3rd day and while I desperately want a cup of steaming, hot coffee, I don’t feel as terrible as I did on Day 1. AJB’s assistant reminds me that after two weeks, I probably won’t want coffee. The caffeine will be out of my system and my body will have figured out how to live without it. Going back on means I’m making a choice to continue an addiction to coffee. Well, I’ve been drinking coffee since I was 15. Is that an addiction?

I don’t really like to call my love affair with coffee an “addiction”. Many happy moments have been shared over a cup of coffee. Good conversations, beautiful cafes, good people. In fact, when AJB and I were in Italy, I made it a point to drink an espresso and have a smoke at an outdoor cafe. It was lovely. It was simply lovely.

A finished espresso and smoke at Cafe Gilli in Florence.

The question is, after two weeks will I choose to restart a 19 year addiction? Most likely. Like smoking, there are emotional connections to the act of drinking coffee, to making a great cup, sitting at a Denny’s with my sister playing cards into the wee hours of the night, my first date with AJB, my first job in Pasadena at a coffee house, talking about the moon with my brother Paul, sitting with my Dad and arguing politics, discussing the importance of The Sims with JCS, meeting countless friends for coffee, that first cup in the morning, and discovering that after 19 years, I really do know the difference between good and bad coffee. So you see, it’s not about the caffeine (although that helps), it’s a part of my life. I might go so far as to say that it’s a part of who I am. I’m a coffee drinker.

When I was 15, the reason I started drinking coffee was because I was reading a great deal of the Beat Poets (especially Kerouac) and the idea of old fashioned coffee houses intrigued me. The idea of reading, writing, and smoking in a coffee house…it was a romantic notion to me. It still is. I wrote a lot more when I was 15. After school, I’d go to this old people diner in Camarillo, drink coffee, and write…for hours on end.

Giving up coffee is like turning your back on an old friend. Even though you know that friend might be bad for you, it still hurts. My symptoms have indeed subsided over the last few days, but I’m not ready to point the finger at coffee. I haven’t eaten much since Tuesday due to the incapacitating migraine that came with going cold turkey on just about everything I love to eat and drink. AJB continues to remind me that it’s only temporary. In 12 days I’ll have coffee again. It’s at the scary moment, I’ll determine if coffee has indeed been my friend or foe. I’m actually a little nervous to find out. Truth is, I’ve been putting off giving up coffee all this time. I suppose my kidneys deserve a rest and I have to stay positive. Whatever happens happens. Let the coffee grounds fall where they may.