This year I resolve not to write any more bad checks. Furthermore, I resolve to stop making resolutions. Actually, one promise I can make to myself is no more Judy Collins…at least for today. But can that lady sing! Like most great singers, it seems she went through a religious phase that isn’t all that appetizing. Still, her songs from the 60′s are goddam heart wrenching, they really are.
I figured out why I’ve been depressed this last week. Let’s just say it’s fun to be a girl. I feel like my boss, he doesn’t notice things…he was surprised that it was New Year’s Eve today…too busy to actually look at a calendar. I can’t say anything, the other day I wrote a check and almost wrote a date three days previous.
2004. So where’s my flying car? When I was little, I used to think that by the year 2000, we’d have flying cars and robot maids. Well, we have picture phones now. That’s weird. I bet the only people that use them are the wealthy and the porn industry. The idea of a picture phone is cool if you look good all the time. Actually, I walk around the house in a sparkly g-string with matching boob tassels. I’m also fond of walking around totally naked or sometimes just in red patent leather stilettos. I prefer to clean the house in my patent leather maid’s uniform and when I scrub that floor…whoops! OK, would you believe pajamas, a robe, and sandals? I look hot! I guess this is probably why picture phones should have on/off switches.
I think it’s probably already 2004 in some parts of the world. OK, so if the world were to end on New Year’s Eve, would it happen at midnight? I remember thinking about this on Y2k (what a joke). And if it happened at midnight, which midnight would it be? My time or New York’s? Would it like have to be midnight at the North Pole or in Jerusalem? Would the time zone depend on which God was destroying us? Could be Buddha, so then we’d be destroyed at midnight Tokyo time? Then again, it could be Godzilla, if we’re going to bring Japan into the picture. So if Godzilla wanted to end the world on New Year’s Eve, I guess he’d do it at midnight Tokyo time. I suppose if the world were going to end, it wouldn’t happen suddenly. If you believe in the end of the world, then you already know that the anti-christ has already been born. I heard he lives in South America. No, really. He’s probably a really nice guy with a family and then one day, he’s tending sheep in his yard and a bush catches fire. God tells him he’s the anti-christ and starts a life of crime, puts together a militia which then becomes a world army, he conquers Poland and various other parts of Europe and then finally destroys the planet with one giant blast! If this happens, could we then blame God? Or would this be a case of don’t blame the messenger?
William Shatner is coming out with a new album which is to feature Henry Rollins. How cool is that? Happy New Year everyone. This news of the new Shatner album assures that 2004 will be wonderful. Since I always say that and I always feel optimistic on this day, I won’t hold my breath. Hope you have a good night tonight. Be safe and keep your eyes open for Godzilla.