Blerg and Babies for Sale

I recently came upon a blog that started with the words “Nothing exciting happened today…”. I thought, if nothing exciting happened today, why are you blogging? I got to thinking about all the useless blogs out there and how my own blog is, on the grand scale, probably pretty useless. I mean, what does it offer humanity? On a smaller scale, my blog offers me one important thing: sanity. It allows me to vent without bothering my friends and family (even though I’m sure I still do) and it allows me to put things into perspective. I know that at least two people read this blog, so therefore, why write about things that aren’t at least a little interesting? Then again, “interesting” is in the eye of the beholder. If blogging is a personal endeavor, why do I publish it on teh nets? I don’t think I’ll ever figure that out.

On a more random note, I was scouring Craigslist (as I do) and found this post:

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/wan/667466581.html

Seeking Pregnant Teen to Help – $50000
Reply to: sale-667466581@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-04, 11:19AM PDT

I would like to help out a pregnant teen or mother by giving $50,000.

I feel generous and want to make a difference.

Email me with your story and why you need the money.

Thanks.

I couldn’t figure out if this person is BUYING a baby or just feels like giving some helpless knocked-up teen some bread. If buying a baby, isn’t that illegal? If dispensing cash out of good will…why? Don’t you think $50,000 could be donated to a teen pregnancy center and help LOTS of teens? I figure, people are pretty fucked up and this ad deserved some notice. I emailed the poster and asked if they were looking to a buy a baby. I made sure to add that I wasn’t selling, but just curious. I mean, seriously, if I had a baby to sell, I’d certainly ask for more than $50,000. Babies are worth (at least) 100 Grand. And while I’m sure there are people out there that would sell their babies for less, what’s 9 months of hell worth? Not to mention, the added bonus of having some stranger knock on your door 18 years later saying, “Hi mom, I found you on teh nets!”. What’s that worth? Giving the benefit of the doubt, perhaps this person really does want to help a helpless teen. Again I ask, why? It seems sort of shady and I have to wonder what the real intentions are. I hope they email me back. I’ll post if they do. Very curious.

UPDATE: This person never got back to me.

Not So Super

Yes, this year has started off just dandy. Dandy indeed. Along with losing my job and my grandfather, I also came down with a debilitating stomach flu. I landed myself in the emergency room Sunday night with severe dehydration. Gory details aside, it wasn’t fun. I’m better now and anxious to get back to work (or whatever it’s called). I’m filled with a renewed sense of purpose and feel that even though this year has kicked the crap out of me, I feel even more inspired and challenged.

One of the things I do to keep myself busy is scan modeling sites for people to work with. Mostly I come up empty handed, but occasionally you meet some interesting people. Even more often, you stumble across people who really don’t know how to put together a proper portfolio. Hey, I’m a professional. I know what I’m talking about. Look, modeling isn’t for everyone. I’ve dealt with enough wannabes in the last three years to know that there are two layers to the modeling world: Those who have it and those who don’t. Because at heart, I’m a nice person, I always try to see both sides and I feel bad for people who try and don’t have it; people who want to model, but certainly shouldn’t quit their day jobs. Apparently, no one’s telling them they shouldn’t go for it. Some people just don’t have mirrors and some people are totally and utterly lost. Modeling isn’t like other professions. It’s about outer beauty versus inner beauty. It’s sad when people think they can model and really shouldn’t. Listen, I can appreciate good feedback. If I’m really that bad, I want someone to tell me. Like, put down the camera! Then again, photographers can get better with time and hone their skills; photographers don’t have to be attractive – which is why many of us are BEHIND the camera. Sure, some models can learn better poses. But seriously, ugly really is skin deep.

The specimen below isn’t necessarily a bad looking guy, but I’m seriously thinking about emailing him and telling him to take that out of his portfolio. I’d be doing him a favor. There are some cases, however, where someone is good enough looking to model, but they just haven’t figured out how to sell themselves.

You’re doing it wrong!
478c69cb0e203.jpg

Medieval Face Rejuvenique

I was casually looking for facial steamers online and came across the most frightening thing. It’s a face rejuvenater but it looks more like an iron mask.

Highlights from reviews of this product include:

I received a burn on my face from this product. I still have a scar from it two years later.

This nightmare mask dose’nt look this way just because!it dose’nt burn your face for nothing.this is the official mask from hell

There are several positive reviews to go along with the bad. The overall rating is 4.5 out of 5. It’s scary what women (and some men) go through to look beautiful. As a woman who is starting to notice that despite how much you wish it wasn’t true, you do in fact age, I can’t imagine ever using a product like this. The truth is, if you want beautiful skin you need to drink 8 glasses of water everyday, eat good/organic food, and exercise. When I was doing all of the above, my skin was like butter. I’ve since fallen from grace, but I’m building up the courage to start again. It’s worth it for more reasons than good skin: Good health and longer life. You’d think everyone would do it.

Products like this are a testament to the overall apathy and downright laziness of Americans and all other Western cultures we influence. Human beings, by nature of capable of so many good things. The triumph of the human spirit, mothers lifting cars to save their children, firefighters running into burning buildings…why then, when it comes to taking care of ourselves, we’re all a bunch of lazy bastards?

The Best Resume Ever

My boyfriend is currently on the hunt for a new personal assistant. The best part about putting ads on Craisglist is the sort of bottom-of-the-barrel responses you get. They say “Good help is hard to find” and with 6 billion people on the planet, I wonder why that is. Good help must be that proverbial needle in a haystack.

Cast your eyes upon this beauty of a resume my boyfriend recently received:

From:reallyripped6” <reallyripped6@domainomitted.net>

Subject: Part-Time Personal/Administrative Assistant

Date: April 6, 2007 7:15 AM PDT

To:


NAME OMITTED reallyripped6@domainomitted.net

Friend,

College

Family.


Hello future employer,

that is right, I know you can not wait to be shown what I can do, and I am Ready to dazzle yous. I am really really interested in working for you, and I know that you are too. I am doing very well academically, and have many grades above the schools B average.

I am a very persistent worker, and I really love being that. I do lots of tasks including babysitting, and various pay by day jobs. All of my colleges say I am really trust worthy. You can reach me at reallyripped6@domainmitted.net

You should take time out of your busy schedule to look through my resume, because, like God I am really good at what I do.

Charitably,

Name Omitted

reallyripped6@domainomitted.net

Objective:

I am hunting for a short/ long term employment with the possibility of financial gain. I am trying to raise money to buy a car over the summer.

Qualifications:

I have taken many classes over my life, and I defiantly consider my self as a people person. My friends say that I defiantly have an irresistible aura.

I have a class on computers in my freshmen year, and my therapist says I have an excellent memory, so I should be able to retain most of what I learnt

Employment History:

2006-2006 Round Table Pizza Delivery

1998-Present Assistant Manager in Rodmerez Locksmiths industry.

2004-Present I am currently the most trusted babysitter on my block.

2004-2005 Class president and Treasury.

June 2006- September 2006 I was an intern at out of the Closet in Pasadena, but was forced to give up my position to continue my education.

Education:

Santa Monica Public Jr. High School- 2003-2005

Santa Monica Public High School- 2005- Present.

Best babysitter on the Block

Where do I begin? I’ll start by saying I think it’s GOT to be a joke. I mean, I has to be, right? The first thing that caught my eye was the email address reallyripped6. OK, sounds like a jerk already. I started reading it and laughed at the atrocious grammar and wondered if it wasn’t someone who didn’t speak very good English. Then I felt bad for laughing. That is, until I came upon the “best babysitter on the block” part. Other points of interest are “irresistible aura” and “my therapist says”. You get passed all of that nonsense and then it slaps you right in the face! The picture! Holy crap! The best babysitter on the block? Holy crap! He/She included a fucking picture!

There’s no way this is a real resume. If it is, I must cry PEDOPHILE!! Not a student, not some kid looking for a job. I’m thinking either pedophile, creepy trans-gender, or serial killer who eats the flesh of whores in order to get closer to God. And did you dig the Junior High graduation date? That would make this “kid” 15 or 16 years old. It’s gotta be a joke.

Thinking logically, I realize it’s a joke. At least, I hope it is. Of course, this leads me to further ponder…if this is a joke, this means that some poor sap is out there sending “funny” resumes out for his or her own amusement. The kind of person that does this is either A) A certified genius, B) a Lonely loser taking a break from his online RPG, or C) a lonely pedophile taking a break from eating the flesh of whores to get closer to God in an effort to entertain his lonely mind.

If you’re a real person…dude (or dudette), you need to work on your resume. If this is a joke…well played. Well played indeed. I omitted the name, email, and address on the off chance this is a real person. I really want to tell you the person’s name…I shouldn’t. That’s mean. OK, just this once. It’s Billet Queen Rodmerez. I looked it up on the net and nothing came up. It’s fake. Right?

Update Approx 3 Minutes Later: OK, so I just got off the phone with my boyfriend and he told me his 15 year old son actually wrote this up and cleverly slipped it into the pile of prospective applicants. Oh my God. How hilarious is that?? What a funny kid. I was right, the kind of person that does something like this is obviously A) A Certified Genius. It’s exactly this kind of comedy that makes joining this family for a lifetime not so scary. I love my boyfriend’s kids. My boyfriend asked his son how he found the picture and his son replied that he’d searched Google for “ugly man”. ROTFLMAO.

The Saga Continues and Ends

My favorite part of most angry letters is the fact that most people tend to make a point of telling me how much they don’t care what I think. They obviously care enough to write a letter with an inordinate amount of CAPITALIZATION. Inaction is the true result of no concern. But you already know this. I received what will be the final exchange of letters from The Kommunity FK Kamp. I have not responded and don’t plan to. These things start off as silly and remain so until at long last one or both parties blocks the sender’s email address.

I find this letter particularly interesting because, despite whatever affiliation this person has with the band, they are most certainly coming from a defensive stance and are in fact, acting as representation. As for my feelings towards lead singer Patrick Mata himself. I don’t know him personally and probably never will, at this rate. My opinion of him is based on a purely superficial level. He’s the lead singer of a band that I enjoy and nothing more. While I do realize that this has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with Patrick Mata or the band itself, I can’t help but feel that any band should monitor their contact with the press. This would ensure letters such as these don’t reach reader’s eyes and potentially close off what could very well be a healthy relationship between press and artist. Letters as these leave a bad taste in my mouth.

I’ll continue to post news (if any) and play songs in the podcast…because that’s what I do. As for the person who wrote this letter…let’s just say that I am, at the very least, amused. Grateful for a good laugh and life goes on. Fodder for blog posts.

Cinka,

First off I am not upset.

Second of all I AM NOT THE BAND’S MANAGER/MANAGEMENT (I never said that I was Kommunity FK’s manager.)  It’s none of your business, but I am a highly paid Mistress. I make large amounts of money by beating subservient worms like you into a pulp.

As for you ‘merely pointing out it looked like Patrik was stoned’ is NOT how you had it come across in your slanderous writing. Are you so small minded that you ‘judge’ people of all genres off of a ‘sticker?’ Patrik placed that sticker on his vintage teardrop Vox guitar when his band ‘Sativa LuvBox’ was signed to their major label. That particular band is still HUGE internationally and for that reason he keeps that sticker on his vintage guitar.  Are you some kind of ill-mannered ‘Reaganite’ with your own personal ‘war on drugs’ agenda? So, again, your writing that Patrik was stoned and has been stoned for years is SLANDEROUS. The ELDERS in the ‘Deathrock’ scene know of the fact that Patrik has been clean and sober for years. You and your opinion just prove you know nothing about the music or Patrik, for that matter, of whom you write
articles/reviews about.

Again, I don’t give a shite what your opinion is.

Kommunity FK and Patrik have never paid attention to any thoughts/reviews that have ever been written about the band. A true artist doesn’t listen to any propaganda. True art is Art. Art survives only when it stays on it’s own thought. As far as I know Patrik and Kommunity FK haven’t even seen your tiny opinion. If Patrik did ever see it I’m sure he would get a good laugh at the poorly written piece.

Kommunity FK has been in the music business since 1978. So again, your other poorly ill-conceived opinion of Kommunity FK is “in the wrong business” is so off. If you cannot handle the fact someone is going to tell you that your writing is wrong/slanderous/ and/or poorly researched then you, my dear, are the one who is in the wrong business. If someone writes to you that actually stands up for the truth and it bothers you-you are not a true writer.

Slander is slander.  You and your opinions need to be stated as an opinion. If you plan to stay a writer-LEARN YOUR FACTS.

Patrik loves his fans. He has made that very clear time and time again in books, articles, and at live shows worldwide.  Patrik’s fans love him as well….

Goodbye worm. My time is too precious to continue this futile agenda. Take it from an Elder and a Mistress…You have a lot to learn. Perhaps you should change your name to “Rethinka”?

Rethinka. Touche.

This letter is what we in the writing profession call “talking out of your ass”. It’s a heavy attempt at being clever with a deep desire to come off as intelligent. Read the last letter and ponder the word “unstudious” a minute. Yes dear, you probably could beat me to a pulp, but I’m not sure I could afford you. I honestly have nothing against Patrick. If he does or doesn’t smoke pot…who fucking cares? Actually, these letters (albeit amusing) tend to bother me because they’re ridiculous on every level. I don’t try to make enemies or piss people off, but it comes with the territory. All in a days work. At my core, I am truly someone who cares about the scene and the music spawned from it. It should be assumed that everything I write is merely opinion. What else would it be? I’m not writing freaking book reports here.

I got things to do. What a total waste of time.

 

Your Kommunity FK Review Equals Slander

Over the last handful of years, I’ve managed to garner a reputation as a bitch in certain circles. I’m a bitch because I’ve always done things my way. I’ve never kowtowed to labels, bands or club promoters, and I’ve always spoken my mind. As a writer with an audience, I’ve always felt indebted to tell the truth. As a reviewer, it’s my job to share my opinion. I don’t get paid to write, therefore the only payment I receive is knowing that someone, anyone, is reading my work and (maybe) enjoying it. When you write reviews, especially anything remotely unflattering…you must prepare for retaliation.

Today, I received the following letter regarding my “review” of Kommunity FK’s performance at the Knitting Factory this year.  

Hello,

My name is [name omitted]. I run the Kommunity Fk Kontingent. I am writing to you regarding your review of Kommunity FK’s live show at the Knitting Factory.

Kommunity Fk does not give a shite if you like the band or not, but what is a problem is parts of your article are ill-informed and slanderous.

Patrik Mata has been clean and sober for 9.5 years. No alcohol, no drugs, INCLUDING POT. The fact you are telling your readers that Patrik Mata was stoned and has been stoned for years in your opinion is lude and slanderous.

You obviously are not a journalist for the fact you do not even research the projects you write about. Sherry Rubber has been the lead guitarist for Kommunity FK for over a decade now.

It is clear to me by your unstudious review that you have obiously been blowing the Last Dance (who in my opinion suck and wouldn’t even beable to be the genre of music they are if it wasn’t for bands like Kommunity FK breaking the Gothic/Alternative grounds all those years ago). We know who ‘SABOTAGED’ the sound that night at the Knitting Factory. If you were a real journalist you would have researched that particular dilemma of the show you reviewed and would have discovered there are many wittnesses of who was ‘lurking’ around the sound boards when Kommunity FK perfomed – as well as – the fact the sound man of 3 years of the Knitting Facotry was fired that night because of the saboteurs.

Like I wrote previously nobody from this camp gives a shite what you think of Kommunity FK. And just to let you know it was Patrik Mata who contacted Release The Bats (who are very close to Kommunity FK) and had them be part of that historic night….but again-if you were a real journalist you would have known that as well.

Please correct your slanderous lines and wrong names in your poorly conceived article.

 …and this was my repsonse:

I’m sorry you’re upset. Kommunity FK are a great band and Jenn and Dave are a dedicated and integral part of the deathrock community.

After this review went online, I received several email telling me I was dead on. I’d never seen KFK before, so I had nothing to compare it to. I write my reviews as a fan, not a journalist. It’s not my job to investigate who sabotaged the sound or find out why the sound was bad. All I know is, it was, and that’s that. As for Patrick being “stoned”, I merely pointed out what it looked like. I’m sorry, but people who don’t smoke pot, don’t brandish pot leaves on their equipment. Not that I have an opinion on pot, one way or the other. I could care less. I’m just saying. Myself and anyone else there, would naturally draw their own conclusions.

In my article, I gave props to Patrick for forging new ground and being a leader in the deathrock genre. I’m not sure why you pointed out that Patrick was the one who contacted Release the Bats. I can’t see that I mentioned that nor what the importance is. Either way, I respect Release the Bats and acknowledged the work they put into the event. I even stated that I look forward to the next.

As a writer (not a journalist) I write what I see and feel. As a photographer, I enjoy photographing bands that give me something exciting to photograph. Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one. This is my opinion. I don’t write reviews to “please” bands and labels. That would be unfair to the people who actually buy music.

You can’t please all of the people all of the time. If members of the Kommunity Kamp are scorned at every bad review, perhaps you’re in the wrong business. Bad reviews come with the good. For being in the business as long as Patrick has, I’m sure he’s quite aware of how things work. As a band manager, you must also. I don’t feel this was a “slanderous” review. I made every attempt to excuse the mishaps of the evening and gave credit where credit is due.

It’s in poor taste, as a representative of any band, to bad mouth writers who don’t write glowing reviews. It is also remarkably unprofessional. I don’t blame the band for the sound, but someone in the Kommunity Kamp should have noticed the problem and fixed it; rather than letting it continue throughout the entire show. That’s just bad management. I’ve never seen anything like it. No reviewer anywhere would stick around and “interview” witnesses to the lurkers at the sound table. No one cares who sabotaged the sound…all people care about is that it wasn’t good and no one fixed it. If you’re asking me to exaggerate the truth, I’m afraid I must refuse wholeheartedly.

About the name change, the error was my fault. At the time I wrote the review, the website hadn’t been updated and Tracy’s was the only name I found. I do apologize for the mistake and will correct it immediately.

I stand by my article. Please understand that I cannot re-write my reviews on the basis that I might bruise someone’s ego. It was not my intention to piss anyone off, but as I said earlier, you take the good with the bad and you can’t please everyone. For every review I write, there is the chance someone won’t agree with me. I will not sacrifice my integrity and change my opinions based on one nasty letter. I wouldn’t do it for a thousand. As someone with a strong opinion such as yourself, I know you understand.

If this is how Kommunity FK deals with the press, perhaps it’s time to find new representation. I know, I know, you don’t give a shite about what I think. You should, however, care what your fans think. I’m a fan.

Yours sincerely, Cinka
Editor, Dark Culture Magazine
www.darkculture.net
 

My boyfriend so cleverly pointed out that people love you when you write good reviews and despise you when you don’t. I must take these things with a grain of salt. I do, however, love writing long letters of retort.

MySpace Mail

hey ma ur hott!I work at a club on Hollywood LA (Club Ad)bring ur friends. trying to get peepz to go. Hit me back up if interested. Peace!!

Hey…son. Thanks. How does it feel to work ON Hollywood? I imagine it’s better than working IN Hollwyood, cause you got the hookers…and the…homeless people and those pesky celebrities. I have to say, this is probably the worst Club Ad I’ve ever received. Most times DJ’s and club promoters make with the fancy HTML and flashy fonts and graphics in my MySpace. So…where should I bring my friends? You neglected to tell me where you’re trying to get peepz to go to. I should hit you back up? I probably shouldn’t, considering the delicate state of your brain at the time of writing this email, I might do further, and possibly irreparable damage…for which you could sue. However, as my first and final piece of evidence, your Honor, I present this email sent by the plaintiff! Acquitted on all counts! Peace right back at ur. In this time of war, all I am saying is give peace a chance.

Sincerely, Ur Hott Ma