I got up this morning to my usual routine. I left the house a little late, but knew I’d still arrive at work on time. As I started my car this morning, I realized that I’d forgotten my make-up bag (not like I wear a lot of make-up anyway). When I returned to my car, it was making this rhythmic humming noise. I called for my boyfriend (cause boys know about cars and stuff). When he got there, it wasn’t making the noise anymore. Figures. I got in and drove towards the freeway on ramp not even a mile away. Entering the freeway, my car started to heat up. That little meter moved hastily towards the H. Damn! The car was overheating. I had to get off the freeway. I made it to a safe spot on a little side street. I called my boyfriend and reminded him that before I’d left, I told him I might be calling him if my car broke down. I was joking…I didn’t actually think my car would break down that soon. Sure enough, once again, I was stuck on the side of the road with my hazard lights blinking. We called AAA, they came for my car and dropped it off at Pep Boys.

It turns out some hose or something is busted and needs to be replaced. I was hoping I could make it into work, for at least half day, but the shop needs to find the part. I own a bright blue 1985 Toyota MR2 with a Japanese mid-engine. The car sort of looks like the boot of a robot…thus it’s nickname “Robo Boot”. Because it’s a foreign sportscar, parts are not easy to come by. I’ve had this car for almost 8 years and although it’s gotten me around, it’s cost more than it’s worth in fixes. Some of the problems were my fault, others were because it’s 21 years old. Think about it, my car came out the same year ‘Back to the Future’ did.

It’s already 4 o’clock and my car isn’t near ready. No work today and no errands tomorrow. I’m stuck. I hate missing work (I need the money), so I offered to come in on Saturday. Well, no one’s going to be there, so I can’t do that. I’ll go in Monday instead.

It’s nice to have a day off, even if it means going in on Monday. I’m a little pissed that my car is broken (for the umpteenth time), but it’s getting fixed. I’ve spent most of my day working on Dark Culture, in particular the site map. Dark Culture is a pretty vast site. Thank goodness the new site has an integrated search function.

Ever since my brother announced he was moving to Omaha with the fattest, ugliest girl on the planet, I’ve been stressed and mentally exhausted. Then my grandmother went into the hospital. She’s hanging in there, but she’s on 24 hour dialysis. There’s only so much a person can take, let alone a 93 year old with a multitude of other problems.

I went to see my sister and sister-in-law and spent several days just chilling. It was great, but I had to come home. I couldn’t even conceive of doing this week’s podcast…no time, no energy. I didn’t even have a chance to find new music. I’m also hauling ass on the Dark Culture upgrade. Just when I think it’s OK to start adding new content, I discover something else that needs to be fixed. I’ve got my boyfriend doing some early beta testing. Although I’m close to being finished, I realize I’m in for a pretty major upheave. So much can go wrong and I can count on it. Honestly, I’m a little worried that the last year of late nights, hard code, mishaps, and tribulations will be in vain. Could be my inner paranoid, but I’m expecting lots of problems.

You should know that I haven’t ever had any formal training in this sort of thing. Running a magazine, writing, coding, installing content management systems. It’s all trial and error, but mostly error. I want so badly to take a night off, watch TV, and cuddle with my kitties. I can’t. I have to trudge on…because once it’s done, the site will practically run itself. Well, maybe not, but it’s the closet thing to a robot assistant I’ve ever gotten.

Working an extra day at work is coming in handy where money is concerned. As for time to work on hobbies and Dark Culture, not so good. I miss that fourth day. I know, I know. I sound like a cry-baby, Oh, I just can’t get it all done during my diamond encrusted three day weekend. I know. I really think I’m into way too many things. And there are things I want to do. Like, I wish I could paint or go on nature walks. Between work, Dark Culture, home, boyfriend, family, car, debts, slacking off, and catching at least 6 hours of sleep every night…there isn’t any time for nature walks.

As for the podcast, there will be a new episode online for next week. Even if I have to omit my illustrious vocal tracks.

I ended up going to Chicago for my boyfriend’s father’s funeral. It was a lovely service with over 100 in attendance. I spent many good hours with my boyfriend’s family and got to know some of them a little better. The weather was cold and the wind blew something fierce. So many wonderful things happened, so many emotions; good and bad. Sad because a great person has left this world and happy because I was there to pay my respects.

I came home Tuesday morning around 2:30am, slept for a couple of hours, got up, and went to work. I was exhausted. Somehow, I made it through the day and then put in a little time on this week’s podcast (which is already 3 days late). I’m still rather tired. These last few days have bled into one another and I haven’t gotten a single, real, thing done. It’s late and I’ll be going to bed soon. This week’s podcast is a wash. I’m going to keep the St. Patrick’s Day setlist in tact, but I’ll call it “The Post St. Patrick’s Day Special” instead. I’m not happy about not being able to do this week’s show, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day. To compound this, I’m frantically searching for a dress to wear to an awards show this Saturday. Every year, the theme park industry (in which my boyfriend works) holds a fancy-schmancy awards show and I need something appropriate to wear. I’m at a loss for time and it’s hard to find something formal, but cool. Formal and cool do not often walk hand in hand. I want to look nice, but I’m afraid I might have to settle for something less than Cinka.

One of my many side-projects includes the archival of my LiveJournal. I’m transferring it over to a new server and in the process, organizing and semi-editing. Re-reading where I was just three years ago is frightening. The person I was with and how I lied about how happy I was with him. I don’t know why I did that. I fooled myself into believing, I guess. Perhaps I didn’t want to admit defeat. There were happy times, but he wasn’t my forever…and I knew it from the beginning. I look at the dreams I had, the direction my life was taking and how far I am from that path. I’m on a different road now and my life isn’t anything like it was in 2003. Don’t get me wrong, this is a good thing. I’m a lot happier now and I hope I’m able to be more honest with myself.

March is generally when I reflect on my life the most. My birthday is on the 25th and I think a lot about the passing of time. I think about how old I am and how, just a few minutes ago, I was 21. I marvel at how fast time moves and how the things I cried over 5 years ago, seem childish now. In my old journal entries, I bemoan on how long it was taking to publish a new site design for Dark Culture. When it comes to the magazine, some things never change. Only, this time around, I’m hardly expressing my frustrations in public. And I am frustrated. It’s taking too goddamn long. There are so many small things that need to be done. Once the fun coding and templating is done, I’m left with the tedious task of uploading old content. It’s boring work. I know, however, that for the continuity of the site and because people rely on those reviews being there, it has to be done. Sure, the world won’t collapse if I don’t update the archives, but for my sake, I want it done…I just hate doing it. So I start side-projects and ignore the monotony of cutting and pasting. I must remind myself that once the doldrum is over, I can get back into the fun stuff.