I’ve done business with some really amazing people and have gotten a good deal of repeat business from Craigslist. I’ve also met various inconsiderate jerks. For example: This week I answered an ad to shoot a wedding on the 7th. I was thrilled when I got a response asking if I was available and what my prices were. I sent a quick reply. About a day later, I received another email stating they would go with my lower priced package. They included the address of the chapel and asked if I wanted a money order or a cashiers check. Once again, I replied quickly. At this point, I didn’t have a contact number or a time for the wedding. A day passed. And then another. As time was of the essence, I wrote a quick note to this man stating that I was missing important information and could he send it to me. I waited another two days. Nothing. Finally, on Thursday, I wrote yet another email asking for the same information. Not a word. On Friday, I wrote a letter which explained my dilemma and said that I was under the impression they’d hired me and that I would appreciate a response either way. Nothing. The wedding is tomorrow and I still haven’t heard a peep.
And this isn’t the first time this has happened. A few months ago, I was hired to shoot a Fall catalog for a small clothing company called IDI. They hired me. I was hired. I spoke with Melissa (several times) and another person named Richard, who confirmed I was hired. I even booked models per their request. I kept them updated every step of the way and waited to hear back. A week passed. I called the company and inquired about the shoot. A receptionist informed me that the shoot had already taken place and they had used another photographer. When I complained to Melissa, she told me that they never actually made a commitment to use me and that they were waiting for ME to get in touch with them. In fact, she acted as though I were imaging they hired me. Because everything had taken place over the phone, I didn’t actually have any proof. Now, I’m not sure why they went ahead without me after verbally committing, but it doesn’t matter. They should have let me know. I even complained to the head of the company who treated me like a nuisance. Later, just to be a bitch, I sent them an invoice for my lost time. Obviously, they never paid me.
Needless to say, in this, the age of communication, why do people find it difficult to communicate? How hard is it to send a one line email that states you’ve changed your mind? Furthermore, if you actually hire someone and end up not being able to commit, it’s only common courtesy to let that person know. What these inconsiderate assholes don’t understand is that they’ve hung me out to dry. I book the time, I hire talent, I set aside time, I prepare, I make plans, I lose money. I shouldn’t have to say it, but it’s rude and unprofessional. It’s just plain rude. If you make plans and can’t keep them, have the decency to cancel! It’s never OK to make someone wait, to put them out, or upset their schedule. I’m a human being and I think I deserve better. I realize that you’re busy, but it literally takes two seconds to send an email. There really is no excuse for ignoring someone you’ve hired to do a job. Besides the fact that I was really looking forward to each of these jobs, there is of course, the big let down.
Now, I understand things happen. Maybe the head of the clothing company promised his cousin he could have the job. Maybe the wedding got canceled. Thing is, I don’t know. All I have to go on is silence. To ignore someone as though they are insignificant? Why do people do this? I could answer this question simply by expressing that people are assholes. But I just don’t get it. I really try to reply to all the email I receive. I know what it’s like to be on the other end. I ignore the occasional email, but if I’ve made a commitment to someone and can’t keep it, I apologize left and right. I let them know I’m sorry and I try to make it up to them. I hate letting people down, even if I don’t know them. It’s just not cool to treat people like dirt. They should be ashamed of themselves.
I guess the internet makes it easy. There was a time when people RSVP’d for parties by hand written letter, when it was considered impolite to ignore a written request, when your word was your bond. In this day and age, people are just screen names and common courtesy just isn’t that common anymore.
But it should be. The norm that is. It should be commonplace. Yet, why isn’t it? Some of us still believe that an older time and a sweeter age can coexist with a new technology. I make an effort to respond to anyone who does me the kindness of giving me their time. An e-card is not like the sealing wax notes I used to write, but it says I’m thinking of you. So I still say that they don’t have to clash, or so it seems.
I’ve often thought that “some of us” were born too late or belonged in a different time and long for the days when people were kinder. We long for those sweet ideals, the courtesy and thoughtful consideration that was the “norm”. What made it what it was; the idea that civilized human beings gave and received better? I recently started really analyzing it as this has always been a wonder to me, and based on this need, to put more of it in my life. I have made a huge decision to change my personal circumstances because deep down I do believe that we all deserve better. Yes, I still think that human beings are capable of more but lets take one thing at a time. Starting with was it really all that good back then? Or has the new technology forced us to be more honest about it. And of course the ultimate question, does that make it better?
I am a real fan of Dickens and Austin. Many moral lessons here. But if we just check out the movies and books that outline the norm in those days it doesn’t seem too much different, its just that people were more secretive. It wasn’t good form for people to express negative feelings; when rudely accosted they took to their beds and were ill. Sometimes this caused serious depression and very real fatal symptoms. In this way the individual who had caused the person to become ill through thoughtless remarks or gossip was also left with the guilt and responsibility of having caused such distress. Today people quite bluntly just say “get over it”. People were more sensitive then because they were not exposed to the more fundamentally crass nature of everything and everyone. They were better trained and equipped to keep their feelings out of public scrutiny. Or to put it a little more tenderly, they were better skilled at maintaining a certain privacy. How come? Think about it. This was due partly because they were more protected. Geographically people lived further away from each other. If you were well to do, reputations made or broke not only people, but families. Also, if you were a total wretch – you were just shunned; something that could ruin you both financially and socially. People begged for forgiveness.
A written acceptance or rejection of an invitation was critical as there were no phones and no e-mail. If you chose to ignore it, it was taken as a personal insult and you were simply not invited again, word got around and behold, social suicide. It was also considered a great compliment to be invited to the very best parties and events or to be engaged in doing business with someone. Very hard being alone in those days. Social engagements were not only opportunities for people to do business but to marry well and ensure the survival and future happiness of the family. So they practiced those lovely courtesies and chose their words carefully. Survival hinged on the talent or ability of the individual to know the social graces and to make positive acquaintances. It’s just like Hollywood. How many actors would be anywhere without connections. Do you think they really like all the parties they have to go to? Unless you are huge enough to flaunt your eccentricities I guess. Things haven’t changed much.
Check out Jane Austen and see what you think. Class discrimination and rude behavior was not relegated to the poor. The poor were not unlike the current equivalent of the people you describe because they were uneducated and untrained in the social graces. Everyone lives by a code, even if that is a low example. People who are like those you described can afford to be rude and thoughtless because they don’t need you. Rudeness seems to occur because they are simply low lives, or sometimes it’s as simple as people are embarrassed to say they made a mistake and conclude that taking that time is not worth the effort for them. Some of us make an effort to rise above. It seems to depend on whether you want to improve the quality of your life or not. Those of us who work at the courtesies know that the low lives are just that, low and miserable, yet we will treat them with equal courtesy as it makes us who we are and it allows us to maintain the ideal. We have one disadvantage, however, today, it isn’t taught. Our busy lives make it difficult to remind our children to simply say please and thank you. Even those who try to embrace courtesy find that the environment of individuals who grow up in a rude and unloving equivalent are so much more powerful. The media is rude and irreverent. What do we flood ourselves with? It’s why we have ratings.
I’m sorry to say that while I do think it’s possible and does exist, the ideal is not the norm anymore. It’s hidden deep in the hearts of people who dream of a kinder and gentler time. It’s still there…somewhere.
Or, you know…they just never respond to comments. >:D
I probably should reply to comments. Up until recently, I didn’t have a reliable notification system that let me know when they came in
I’ll do better from now on 