If I were to look over my recent blog entries (on the admin side) I’d find a good deal of started, but not finished drafts. I do that a lot. I start, get side tracked and then end up with a bunch of unfinished, untitled, blog entries that are often beginnings to good things; but only beginnings. I often think that I’ll go back and finish them, but never do.
I’ve been a photographer and writer as long as I can remember. I did most of my writing in high school and came up with a bunch of lame stories I’d never let anyone read. I then did a good deal of writing when I was running Dark Culture. However, since I’ve left Dark Culture to wallow in solitude, the only real writing I’ve done has been for this blog. I’ve been concentrating on my photography career steadfast and true over the last year and writing has taken a back seat. Fact is, photography is easier than writing. While there are far more technical aspects to photography that one must master, writing is hard because you start with a blank page. Photography, on the other hand, you start with the world.
Looking around my own house, I could find any number of things to take pictures of. Doing the same with a pen and paper, I draw a blank. I realize that coming up with ideas to write about is much more difficult than looking for things to shoot. Does this mean writing requires a truer talent than I actually possess? I don’t know. I’ve been told that I’m a pretty decent writer and when pressed, I’ve come up with some fine text. I suppose it’s because I look at photography like a puzzle to be figured out. Pieces all jumbled that need to be placed in their corresponding order. Light, shadow, glare, bounce, reflection, hues, softness, hardness, and all these other elements that make any one picture come alive. Furthermore, take into consideration camera settings, angle, shutter speeds, ISOs, and F-stops. It’s more akin to a murder mystery. Who dunnit and at what F-stop? There’s also motive and emotive.
When I really think about it, writing has all these elements as well. I guess what it comes down to is me. Truth is, I never felt like a good writer, but photography validates me as an artist. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I am not Annie Leibovitz. I am me and I’m good at what I do. When it comes to writing, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I am not Ray Bradbury. I am me and I’ll never be that good. So what it comes down to is self esteem. Is that what you’re saying? I suppose it is. I feel that I can be witty and flowery in my words, but when it comes to describing, at length, the color of someone’s eyes…I think “blue”? Give this topic to any number of gifted writers and they will tell you why the eyes are blue, what they remind him/her of, or how they spark memories or songs. Ok, so maybe I could do that…maybe I really could, but I get the feeling that should I try, I’d only be saying what a million other people have already said.
I can see this internal dilemma in my fiancee’s son, who, like his father, is a writer; and comes from a long line of gifted writers. How do you write about things that no one else has written about? My fiancee once told his son that what makes his writing unique is his ability to write about the things that only he knows. Which leads us back to the time honored rule of writing: Write what you know.
What do I know? I know that I’ve written passed 500 words and it’s time to stop.
Perhaps the internal dilemma is that there is no dilemma. It’s like falling in love. They ask you “are you in love”? If the answer is “I don’t know”, then you are not. A person who is truly in love would answer with the the only one possible. The writer knows he or she is a writer, because they can do nothing else and they are compelled to do so and write as a painter is to paint, as a dancer is to dance, as a singer is to sing. You just do. You don’t validate your talent whatever that may be on heredity. John is attracted to writing because his father writes. He is a writer because he can be nothing else. You are a great photographer because as you said yourself it validates you…it makes you complete. That you have something to say does not make you a talented writer, but then a writer cares not about talent either. The fact that he or she writes will one day validate itself even if only to the writer. You are a photographer who can also write, but may or may not need to do it all of the time. So far the photography seems to be the one thing that cannot be denied or abandoned. You are also attracted to writing because you are a communicator who was raised by two individuals who shared a gift for communication. That is environmental, and we can only guess if heredity plays a role. You are who you are because you are the culmination of all that came before, the choices you’ve made since are what make you unique. Otherwise you might say that like “your mother” you are a writer, photographer or artist because you were lucky enough to come from that particular gene pool. I say that we are lucky to have come together in this life to share the experience with those with whom we call family… but the choices you’ve made and the love of the art you create make you uniquely… Kristen.
Thanks Mom