Monthly Archives: February 2009

I Just Made Dinner…

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I was sort of thrust into an unfamiliar role: Soon to be step-mom for 3 kids; one of which is a teenager and the other two are soon-to-be teenagers. Many people have called my situation a “ready made family”, but there’s nothing ready made about it. In fact, I’ve come to realize that making a family takes a great deal of effort and patience. They’re not my kids and I have no real obligation to do anything with them or for them. Thing is, I love AJB’s kids. They’re 3 of the greatest kids I’ve ever met and I feel as though I’ve really lucked out. Granted, there have been bumps along the road, but nothing that a little logic and patience can’t overcome. Or perhaps it’s the other way around?

That said, I’ve always loved cooking. I love experimenting and making food that results in yummy noises at the table. I have a fairly exotic palate, but AJB will eat whatever I place in front of him. I’m also a vegetarian with vegan tendencies. AJB’s kids are not and do not. Unlike most kids, they’ve seen the world and have done a great deal of traveling. Although, like most kids, they also enjoy just about everything that’s bad for you, filled with sugar, loaded with carbs, and made on an assembly line. They enjoy easy food that is wrapped in too much protective plastic and slathered in far too many preservatives. If that wasn’t enough, AJB’s twin boy is an extremely picky eater and doesn’t handle change very well. I, however, believe that food directly effects your health, mood, and longevity. Good food from good sources means you’re in tune with nature, your community, and your body.

So how do I balance my needs and the desires of AJB’s kids? It hasn’t been easy. They visit every Wednesday and two weekends a month. On those nights, I try to cook, but sometimes it’s just not possible. We end up ordering take-out or pizza for the umpteenth time. In order for me to cook, I need to prepare rather heavily. This means shopping once a week and making a meal plan. I also work best with recipes or items I know and love. I’ve also figured out that if I introduce organic/vegetarian meals that look and taste like the bad foods they love, the reception is a lot better. For example, tonight I made organic, homemade pizza followed by organic/macrobiotic poppy seed cookies. Both went over very well. If I were to say “you know, you’re eating macrobiotic cookies,” first of all, I’d have to explain what macrobiotic is. Secondly, they might not like them as well. AJB’s twin boy always seems to ask me what’s in the food and I tell him, but I never use terminology like “vegetarian”, “vegan”, or “gluten-free”. It’s not important. What is important is that they enjoy it and so far, they have. Once or twice they’ve commented that the pasta was weird, but they ate it anyway. So, there you go.

Learning to feed 3 children with 3 different personalities has been a challenge, but it’s one that I’ve grown into and have come to enjoy. It’s a far cry from where I was a few years ago – wondering if I could handle it, having mild panic attacks at the thought of being a step mom, and fretting that I might blow a quiet fuse. You know what? It’s all gone so well that I can’t say I have any complaints. What I really want, besides feeding AJB’s kids good, healthy food, is for them to recall these days with fondness. To recall that their future step-mom was pretty cool and she always made good eats. When they go off to college, they’ll think back and miss these home cooked meals. It’s so important to sit around the table and eat together. It’s the foundation of a happy family and I’m more than content to do my part.

It’s funny, people have always told me I’m good with kids and I guess I am. I often wonder about having my own kid(s). I’ve stepped into the step mom role rather well and am trying to maintain a good balance between being cool and being responsible. It’s a lot harder than you think.

* I want to start taking pictures of the food I make. Some of it actually looks really nice.

The Last Few Days

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Getting behind. Need to catch up.

Valentimes: AJB and I spent the day slugging around the house. Flowers arrived at 5:30pm. We had dinner at our favorite Indian restaurant Akbar’s and then saw “He’s Just Not That Into You” – which, considering the stellar cast, was one of the dumbest chick flicks I’ve ever seen. It goes into the “Under the Tuscan Sun” category.

herbiebananasOn Sunday, we took my Mom to see a small production of Ray Bradbury’s “The Wonderful Ice Cream Suit” at South Pasadena’s Fremont Theater. I’m not the biggest fan of theater and I’m less a fan of community theater, but aside from this being a cute story, it also starred Joaquin Garay III – whom you may know as Paco from Herbie Goes Bananas; who befriends Herbie, gets into all kinds of trouble with Harvey Corman (RIP) and Cloris Leachman and shows the world that Mexican stereotypes can also comes from Guatemala.

Yesterday I gave my Mom my old PC and hooked it up for her – it’s much faster than the one she has now. I showed her how to use iTunes and Picasa and spent the day hanging out, talking, and installing Windows programs. It was nice to do something other than real work for a change. I also realized that making a PC do what a Mac can do is like forcing a round peg into a square hole.

Yesterday, the Wii Fit arrived. AJB and I have been desperately searching for something to help us shed some pounds for the wedding and I figured, the Wii Fit should do nicely. It’s cheaper than a gym membership and something we can do alone or together. The Wii Fit also seems to make exercising easy and fun – so while there are cute games to play, you can also do some real aerobics, yoga, and strength training. In addition to the interface being cute and highly Japanese, I figure it’s a good way to enthusiastically exercise and set realistic goals for ourselves. Further motivation is your Wii Fit Age – which apparently, I’m 51 and AJB is 47. I’m older and he’s younger. This confuses me. In my defense, the Wii Fit Age is calculated by your BMI and your ability to balance. I got a bad score on the balancing part because I didn’t quite understand how the test worked. Now that I understand it, I’m pretty sure I can get that number lower. I also found out that my BMI and weight are both normal. So why don’t I feel normal? According to Wii Fit, I’m 133 pounds. So does this mean the scale in my bathroom is wrong? It often tells me I’m 136. Maybe it’s because I had rice for dinner the other night.

I agree that the Wii Fit doesn’t replace a gym membership (cause of the no machines), I think it does one thing very well: Gets you to do some form of exercise…and that’s what we need.

I’m off to Enid and Edgar’s for the weekly photo shoot. Online job listings have been scarce. I need to figure out a way to continue working through this economic crisis. It’s getting harder and harder.

*Note: My Mom’s tomato plant is off the hook. Considering it’s Winter, they should be dead or dying. We found out, the trick is accidentally planting your plants next to the dryer vent – keeps ‘em warm and cozy. Good tip. I love happy accidents.

Making your way in the world today, takes everything you’ve got…

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Tuesday morning, anticipating rain, I shot the weekly Enid and Egar shoot in my garage. It ended up being clear skies all day, but a little cold. The model was sick and arrived an hour late. We got through everything well enough and even though I hit a few lighting snags, usage of the garage as a studio is underway. It’s not quite as cleared out as I’d like, but I can see it taking form.

After Enid and Edgar, I shot over to Silverlake to pick up some product for Epitaph Records’ merchandise division. On my way back into town, I stopped at Target and picked up an outdoor solar light to help light the area near my studio and a cheap battery powered press-light for the door. AJB and I got side tracked playing with a set of old “wireless” intercoms (which sort of work) along with his amazing new Flip HD video camera.

I waded through hundreds of Enid and Egar images and took a dinner break around 8pm. Father Nature! The Epitaph Records items were a rush because for some reason, I told the guy I could have them shot and edited by morning. Somehow, my brain neglected to remind me that I would be shooting still shots for a web series pilot in Santa Monica at 6am. Or maybe I remembered, but I imagined I could actually do that much work in so little time. I’m also highly aware of other people’s deadlines rather than my own.

By the time I started working on the Epitaph images, I was already tired from being on the go all day. By midnight, I was dragging. Exhausted, my mind was starting to fuzz over like a moldy peach. I powered through. I encountered several challenging items that required a level of thinking my brain wasn’t capable of at the moment. Frustrated, I began to unravel. AJB made every attempt to help me, but I was too far gone. Angry at myself for saying I could do heaps of work in a short amount of time, annoyed with anyone that talked to me, tired, fuzzy-brained, I lost it more than a few times. It’s not that I didn’t realize that in the grand scheme of things, missing a deadline isn’t half as important as say…world hunger, but no matter how I tried to convince myself, the exhaustion absolutely took over and I was irrational.

By the time I finished everything up, it was after 3am. I needed to be at a bar in Santa Monica by 6am which meant by 4am, I had to shower, get my equipment together, and leave the house by 5am. AJB convinced me to take a short nap on the couch after my shower. I could have slept all day, but I got up, got my gear, put on some make-up, downed a big fat cup o’ coffee and drove to the coast. I got there in record time. It’s always so disorienting when you don’t sleep and somehow, you’re on the road in the wee hours of the morning and the moon is still out. That’s Winter for you.

At the shoot, I was only half lucid. At times I found it difficult to communicate or say certain words. My joints ached and my head was stuffy. Regardless, I had a great time. This was my first experience on a real film set, even if it’s just for a web series. I got to see how things work, who does what, and why it takes so many takes to get it right. I haven’t looked at my images yet. I expect I won’t do that until tomorrow. I joked around with one of the extras that because I was so delusional, I will have imagined that I took the best shots of my life, but in actuality, I’ll find that I spent 4 hours shooting pictures of a strange hot dog statue that was on the set. It was funny. You had to be there. Or perhaps I was so delusional, I only thought it was funny.

The producer, the guy who “hired” me, was abundantly thankful, pleasant, and easy to get along with. The cast and crew were a mixed bag of actor types, laid back extras, and miscellaneous crew. Most people were nice although it was immediately apparent that everyone hangs out with their own group. Who knew film sets were so cliquey? The director was a really nice guy and I marveled at his ability to direct. As a director, you really need to be comfortable with ordering people around and do it in a way that doesn’t make you seem like a douche; which this guy did.

Overall, it was a fantastic experience. I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s shoot. More of the same. I basically just get to walk around and take pictures of whatever I want. Sure I’m not getting paid, but it’s not about that. This is one of those times where the experience outweighs the financial gain.

Tonight, I have even more Epitaph merch to shoot. I’ll get as much done as I can and try to be in bed by 10pm. At 33, I no longer have the stamina to go two days without sleep…as much as I wish I could.

Good-Bye Saturday Morning

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It’s 10:30am on a Saturday morning and AJB’s kids are still asleep. Their eyes are not glued to the set watching 4 hours of uninterrupted Saturday morning cartoons, the way I did when I was little.

superfriendsWhen I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to get up Saturday mornings. It meant all the cartoons you could sink your teeth into. Sometimes I’d get up too early and end up watching Villa Allegra – A Spanish educational show, sort of like The Electric Company – or the New Zoo Review; both of which were syndicated 70′s shows and sort of creeped me out. After that, it was a flurry of animated shows that came and went faster than I noticed. I watched it all, but my favorites were Looney Tunes, Superfriends, Shirt Tales, The Smurfs, Turbo Teen, Monchhichis, The Littles, Dragon’s Lair, Ewoks, Jim Henson’s Muppet Babies, Droids: The Adventures of R2D2 and C3PO, Mighty Mouse: The New Adventures, Misadventures of Ed Grimley, Superman, Plastic Man, Rubik the Amazing Cube, Thundarr, Pac Man, and CBS Storybreak. I’m sure there are more, but there are the ones that come to mind.

The decline of Saturday morning cartoons came towards the end of the 80′s and into the early 90′s. I was in junior high, starting high school. Once I got into high school, I remember not waking up so early anymore, but when I did, I still watched whatever was on. I remember thinking that I had to watch them or else they’d disappear forever – as if my watching made a difference. I knew I was getting older and the shows weren’t that great anymore. In fact, by the early 90′s, the era of Saved by the Bell (which I hated with a fiery passion) was dawning and Saturday cartoons were already waning. It coincided with my becoming a teenager and being more concerned with The Cure, The Smiths, and Siouxsie Sioux.

I was born in 1975, so by the time I could get myself up to watch TV, the glorious Saturday morning routine that 80′s kids recall with such loving devotion was just getting started (about 1979). I, along with everyone else in their mid-30′s, were given this unique gift that no other generation will know. I see AJB’s kid rise after 10am and immediately turn on the Wii. When I was a kid, rising at 10am meant missing all the good shows and it meant only another hour or so of animated programming. If, for some reason, I awoke late on a Saturday, I was bummed all day. How could I miss the cartoons? How awful! It was horrible. Kids on Monday would be talking about them and I would have to say I missed it. So, no, I rarely got up late. I also recall feeling sad when the final cartoon came on. Once that song for Saved by the Bell came on, we turned off the TV and played with our toys. Of course, back then, my parents liked to clean the house on Saturday so we did everything we could to get out of it.

It’s funny how kids change from generation to generation. AJB’s kids watch cartoons, but on Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network. At 12, the age of the twins, I was watching Teen Wolf, Muppet Babies, and Mighty Mouse. The twins watch something called Total Drama Island (which is actually fairly mature), Robot Chicken, and Spongebob. No wonder, I just looked it up and Spongebob is on 6 times in a row on Fridays and at least 4 times in a row during the week. That’s a lot of Spongebob.

There are very few new cartoons that I actually like. I don’t like Spongebob, even though some adults think it’s great. Occasionally a gem like Powerpuff Girls comes along, but it’s not like the old days when even the shows that sucked were good. They were good because they were cartoons. Good because Saturday was your day, a day for kids. AJB’s kids will spend the day playing Wii, Club Penguin, and Nintendo DS – all in separate rooms. AJB might round them up and take them out, but it’s been raining and a it’s a bit soggy outside.

It’s now 11am. If this were 1984, I’d be watching Mr. T followed by The Incredible Hulk and Spiderman.

It’s Just Not Professional

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I’ve done business with some really amazing people and have gotten a good deal of repeat business from Craigslist. I’ve also met various inconsiderate jerks. For example: This week I answered an ad to shoot a wedding on the 7th. I was thrilled when I got a response asking if I was available and what my prices were. I sent a quick reply. About a day later, I received another email stating they would go with my lower priced package. They included the address of the chapel and asked if I wanted a money order or a cashiers check. Once again, I replied quickly. At this point, I didn’t have a contact number or a time for the wedding. A day passed. And then another. As time was of the essence, I wrote a quick note to this man stating that I was missing important information and could he send it to me. I waited another two days. Nothing. Finally, on Thursday, I wrote yet another email asking for the same information. Not a word. On Friday, I wrote a letter which explained my dilemma and said that I was under the impression they’d hired me and that I would appreciate a response either way. Nothing. The wedding is tomorrow and I still haven’t heard a peep.

And this isn’t the first time this has happened. A few months ago, I was hired to shoot a Fall catalog for a small clothing company called IDI. They hired me. I was hired. I spoke with Melissa (several times) and another person named Richard, who confirmed I was hired. I even booked models per their request. I kept them updated every step of the way and waited to hear back. A week passed. I called the company and inquired about the shoot. A receptionist informed me that the shoot had already taken place and they had used another photographer. When I complained to Melissa, she told me that they never actually made a commitment to use me and that they were waiting for ME to get in touch with them. In fact, she acted as though I were imaging they hired me. Because everything had taken place over the phone, I didn’t actually have any proof. Now, I’m not sure why they went ahead without me after verbally committing, but it doesn’t matter. They should have let me know. I even complained to the head of the company who treated me like a nuisance. Later, just to be a bitch, I sent them an invoice for my lost time. Obviously, they never paid me.

Needless to say, in this, the age of communication, why do people find it difficult to communicate? How hard is it to send a one line email that states you’ve changed your mind? Furthermore, if you actually hire someone and end up not being able to commit, it’s only common courtesy to let that person know. What these inconsiderate assholes don’t understand is that they’ve hung me out to dry. I book the time, I hire talent, I set aside time, I prepare, I make plans, I lose money. I shouldn’t have to say it, but it’s rude and unprofessional. It’s just plain rude. If you make plans and can’t keep them, have the decency to cancel! It’s never OK to make someone wait, to put them out, or upset their schedule. I’m a human being and I think I deserve better. I realize that you’re busy, but it literally takes two seconds to send an email. There really is no excuse for ignoring someone you’ve hired to do a job. Besides the fact that I was really looking forward to each of these jobs, there is of course, the big let down.

Now, I understand things happen. Maybe the head of the clothing company promised his cousin he could have the job. Maybe the wedding got canceled. Thing is, I don’t know. All I have to go on is silence. To ignore someone as though they are insignificant? Why do people do this? I could answer this question simply by expressing that people are assholes. But I just don’t get it. I really try to reply to all the email I receive. I know what it’s like to be on the other end. I ignore the occasional email, but if I’ve made a commitment to someone and can’t keep it, I apologize left and right. I let them know I’m sorry and I try to make it up to them. I hate letting people down, even if I don’t know them. It’s just not cool to treat people like dirt. They should be ashamed of themselves.

I guess the internet makes it easy. There was a time when people RSVP’d for parties by hand written letter, when it was considered impolite to ignore a written request, when your word was your bond. In this day and age, people are just screen names and common courtesy just isn’t that common anymore.

False Starts

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If I were to look over my recent blog entries (on the admin side) I’d find a good deal of started, but not finished drafts. I do that a lot. I start, get side tracked and then end up with a bunch of unfinished, untitled, blog entries that are often beginnings to good things; but only beginnings. I often think that I’ll go back and finish them, but never do.

I’ve been a photographer and writer as long as I can remember. I did most of my writing in high school and came up with a bunch of lame stories I’d never let anyone read. I then did a good deal of writing when I was running Dark Culture. However, since I’ve left Dark Culture to wallow in solitude, the only real writing I’ve done has been for this blog. I’ve been concentrating on my photography career steadfast and true over the last year and writing has taken a back seat. Fact is, photography is easier than writing. While there are far more technical aspects to photography that one must master, writing is hard because you start with a blank page. Photography, on the other hand, you start with the world.

Looking around my own house, I could find any number of things to take pictures of. Doing the same with a pen and paper, I draw a blank. I realize that coming up with ideas to write about is much more difficult than looking for things to shoot. Does this mean writing requires a truer talent than I actually possess? I don’t know. I’ve been told that I’m a pretty decent writer and when pressed, I’ve come up with some fine text. I suppose it’s because I look at photography like a puzzle to be figured out. Pieces all jumbled that need to be placed in their corresponding order. Light, shadow, glare, bounce, reflection, hues, softness, hardness, and all these other elements that make any one picture come alive. Furthermore, take into consideration camera settings, angle, shutter speeds, ISOs, and F-stops. It’s more akin to a murder mystery. Who dunnit and at what F-stop? There’s also motive and emotive.

When I really think about it, writing has all these elements as well. I guess what it comes down to is me. Truth is, I never felt like a good writer, but photography validates me as an artist. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I am not Annie Leibovitz. I am me and I’m good at what I do. When it comes to writing, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I am not Ray Bradbury. I am me and I’ll never be that good. So what it comes down to is self esteem. Is that what you’re saying? I suppose it is. I feel that I can be witty and flowery in my words, but when it comes to describing, at length, the color of someone’s eyes…I think “blue”? Give this topic to any number of gifted writers and they will tell you why the eyes are blue, what they remind him/her of, or how they spark memories or songs. Ok, so maybe I could do that…maybe I really could, but I get the feeling that should I try, I’d only be saying what a million other people have already said.

I can see this internal dilemma in my fiancee’s son, who, like his father, is a writer; and comes from a long line of gifted writers. How do you write about things that no one else has written about? My fiancee once told his son that what makes his writing unique is his ability to write about the things that only he knows. Which leads us back to the time honored rule of writing: Write what you know.

What do I know? I know that I’ve written passed 500 words and it’s time to stop.

Can I Blog Now?

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I hate not blogging in a long while because so many things occur during the gaps and it all slips away from my memory…which is the whole point of keeping a blog: Not letting things slip away from my memory.

I guess, all I can do is sum up, really. I’ve been making an effort to keep entries around 500 words or so, but that’s easier said than done when I don’t write in a while.

Eva 2009 The biggest news of late is that we have a new member of the family. To make a long story short (too late), my ex-boyfriend Todd and his girlfriend have moved to Marrakech and needed to re-home their cat Eva; who happens to be the biological sister of my cat Matilda. Todd gave me Matilda. Over the last few weeks, I’ve attempted to minimize the stress of a new cat on Oatmeal and Matilda, doing all the things I read about on the net and spoke with the vet about. It all went great until a “fiancee who shall not be named” accidentally let Matilda (the jealous baby of the family) into Eva’s safe room. Since then, growls and hisses a’plenty.

After a few more days of quarantine, we finally let Eva out to mingle with the others. There have been a few chase scenes and various growling matches, but otherwise smooth sailing. I’m making sure to let all the cats know that each one is a unique snowflake by spending time with them and laying on the love big time. Things are going well and tonight, all 3 cats played in close proximity to one another without any altercations.

We’re so happy to have Eva here. She’s a sweetheart and I know, in time, all 3 kittehs will soon be piled on top of one another cuddling in the afternoon sun…as cats do.

Along with that, I’ve been pretty busy with my photography. I just finished up with a new client shooting cosmetics. I have to say, my work continues to improve and I often marvel at my own abilities. While I don’t expect Revlon to be calling any time soon, I did some great work and I finally feel as though the mystery of really great lighting is finally revealing itself to me. Or at least, I understand it whole lot more than I did a year ago.

I haven’t had any time to plan my wedding. The holidays and the economy put any real intentions to a grinding halt. We haven’t booked the venue and I’m afraid we’ll lose it. At the same time, when I start worrying (as I do), I wonder if I actually know enough people to fill a big venue like the Masonic Temple. I think the majority of our guests will be guests of our guests. Since I’ve never planned a big event like this, I know I need help. Where do we stand financially? Who knows. Things are unclear at the moment. I feel this general sense of woe regarding the economic crisis and I have this sinking feeling that things are only going to get worse. Because I’m often right about any number of things, the thought scares me.

I’ve passed 500 words. More later.