Today I realized that Christmas is one week away. For some reason I thought I had more time. We have the tree, but it isn’t decorated. In fact, the decorations are still in the closet. I haven’t done any shopping and I still don’t know what I’m getting anyone. I had this vague thought of putting up house lights, but with a week to go, what’s the point?

What a bummer.

I hate that the holidays come and go so quickly. I’m not like my brother JCS who does his shopping months and weeks in advance. Nor am I like those maniacs who get up at the crack of dawn on Black Friday to trample Wal-Mart employees. When it comes to the holidays, I am never prepared. Now that we’re in our own house, I feel like I should decorate the yard, put up lights, bake cookies, and throw a party. I think about it, but it just never happens. This year, our last minute trip to New York really threw a wrench in the holiday planning and because we’ve been traveling a lot in general, my whole system of keeping time is off. I still don’t really know what day it is.

I also want to build good memories for AJB’s kids and create happy holidays they’ll remember for a lifetime. Easier said than done. As for shopping, money is tight and I have quite a few people on my list…plus I have a gig coming up that will bring in a little extra spending cash…it just happens to be 3 days before Christmas, which means I’ll be shopping during the mad rush- which I hate.

Oh. If only I really did have an extra week. Just thinking about it makes me tired. I am filled with dread and disappointment in myself. I’ll go through some self flagellation for a while and eventually get it together, but it’s this mad dash to the finish line that really freaks me out. Christmas came too early this year. And even though I’ve already had a heaping helping of Christmas television watching, it still almost doesn’t feel like Christmas. Perhaps I’m just not in the mood.

Naturally, this all reminds me how much I miss my Dad. This will be my second Christmas without him. Although last year was a lot more difficult, I still feel as though it’s just not the same without him. It isn’t. It really isn’t. Just knowing he won’t be there amongst the clatter of laughter and the tearing open of boxes, watching everyone open the gifts he gave. He once gave my sister-in-law a canned ham. Needless to say, the comedy factor of that moment continues to this day. My brother JCS and I still suggest that giving someone a canned ham for Christmas is the most awesome thing you can do. Awesome because it’s a terrible gift, but odd, and hilarious at the same time. Strangely, that’s the kind of guy he was. He thought it was a great gift and because it so wasn’t, therein lies the hilarity. Yeah, I guess you had to be there.

Anyway. Jujitsu class tonight. Like Scarlet O’Hara, I’ll think about everything else tomorrow.