When I was in Albuquerque watching my father die, I began developing itchy skin. I figured it was the dry New Mexico air, but when I came home, slowly but surely, it developed into full-blown eczema. I saw a doctor, but it wasn’t that bad and he told me it was ingrown hairs. I argued that it was eczema and he stood firm that it wasn’t. Seeing as doctors only want to prescribe treatments for the symptoms, not the causes, I need to find my own cure. They say there isn’t a cure for eczema…I’m going to prove them wrong or at least give it one hell of a try. At the very least, I will find what works and get control of it. Over the last few months, I’ve been struggling with various products and methods to no avail.

In the last 10 years or so, I’ve always had these itchy little pustules on my fingers. They were unnoticeable and they came and went like the wind. I paid them no mind. Through research, I’ve discovered they have always been eczema. My mother gets them too. Therefore, genetically inclined to this condition, always sort of having it, and due to the stress of loosing my dad, I’ve become eczema girl. It’s gross and embarrassing and uncomfortable. Why then would I write about it? Partly, writing eases my troubled mind and I’d also like to act as a reference point for others who suffer as I do. I’m sharing my journey because I think it’s going to help me and if it helps others? Bonus. I know I’m not alone in this.

I’ve also created a sub-category called “Skin Conditions” for easy navigation. You don’t have read about my boring life if you don’t want to. Just skip to the fascinating skin ailments.

Since I started all of this, I haven’t gotten better. In fact, it appears I’ve gotten worse. I read somewhere that scratching makes it spread. This may be why my back and forehead are freaking out. It was also super windy the other night — which dried my skin out. Scratching is almost impossible to stop. I itch like a mother-fucker. Sometimes I just have to scratch or at least give it a good rub. I know it’s bad, but it’s really hard not to.

Tonight I’m trying wet wrap therapy on my forehead. The basic idea is that you soak the skin in warm water and bath oil, rub lotion on the affected skin, and then wrap in a wet bandage. Seeing as I don’t have a bath tub or bandages, here’s what I did:

1. Rubbed coconut oil on my skin
2. Filled bowl with hot water, covered my head, and steamed my face for 5 minutes
3. Applied coconut oil on my skin
4. Wrapped affected area with old cotton t-shirt that had been soaked in warm water.
5. Covered all of that with dry wrap of old cotton t-shirt to seal in the goodness.

I’m leaving it on for an hour to study the effects. **I’ll let you know how it goes.

As eczema is exacerbated by stress, in an effort to calm myself down, I’ve picked up crocheting again. It’s mindless, calming, work and it seems to be helping my overall state of mind. I’m also trying not to focus on the negative aspects of my father’s death. I miss him desperately, but I can’t allow myself to shut down. I can feel the cold hands of apathy and depression reaching for me. I know my dad wouldn’t want me to suffer like this. I know he’d tell me to feel what I’m feeling, but don’t let it ruin my life. He’d be right. I also know he’d be worried about me. I’m worried about me. God, I miss my dad.

In the end, eczema is affecting my self esteem, my mood, and my social life. I’m hesitant to go out in public with flared up forehead. Like a shining beacon in the dark of night…there she is! Red crusty forehead! I see people looking at it and I want to drop back in shame and keep to the shadows. Whether they’re looking at it or not. My boyfriend keeps telling me I look fine. He’s great like that. I know he’s lying, but the lying helps. Keep telling me that, baby.

* I don’t actually use Vaseline since it’s made with petroleum which supports all kinds of bad things. It’s a small gesture move even though I drive a car and inevitably support the bad things anyway. I use Organic Un-Petroleum Jelly.

** I removed the wet wrap after an hour. The skin itself seemed smooth and baby soft, albeit still bright pink. My skin didn’t itch at all during the wrap. Afterwards, I applied colloidal oatmeal skin lotion (organic) and my skin started to burn. That’s bad, right? Oatmeal lotion is supposed to be good for eczema and the only thing I imagine could upset my skin is alcohol (which resides in ALL lotions, by the way). Maybe I’m allergic to one of the ingredients? The only other thing I can think of is that simply touching my already sensitive skin irritated it. Overall, I like the wet wrap idea even if it isn’t practical for daytime use. I’m thinking it’s something I can do at bedtime. My forehead is warm to the touch. I might have to try an alternative to oatmeal lotion though. I need more bandages and don’t have enough old t-shirts I can sacrifice to the cause. I read Noxema is good for soothing eczema. I need to try that.

As a footnote, eventually the burning subsided. Once it did, I applied Vaseline which minimized the itching and generally feels good.