Here we go again
When I was little I used to get excited when my birthday month rolled around for several reasons. One: Its my birthday coming up soon! Two: March is always a beautiful month and I love the early days of Spring so very much.
When my Dad died, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was, and still is, the worst day of my life. This March 4th, instead of gloomily looking at old photos, I was laid up after a rather nasty fall down the stairs. A fall that produced no broken bones, but various heinous bruises that would make you shirk. They make me shirk. I couldn’t walk around for nearly a week, had to stay in bed, and watched a lot of movies. I guess I was too tired to reminisce.
March 4th comes and goes as it has for a million years. It’s only been the last 3 that I’ve had a hard time recovering and getting into “birthday/Spring is here” mode. I find that I wake up in the mornings feeling down and unmotivated. This year’s set-back, falling down the stairs, has added to a general malaise that seems to get harder and harder to shake. Or maybe it’s because I’m in the belly of the beast and it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
This year, in particular, I will be 35; which means I’ll be 40 in 5 years. A recent doctor’s appointment added even more brain teasing fun. She said, without pushing, that if I wanted to have a baby, I need to do it now. I grumbled and she replied that while it’s not impossible to get pregnant in your late 30’s, it is harder. I can imagine. The difficulty of babies in general, has been why I’ve avoided it so long. It’s not that I wouldn’t want to create a kick-ass human being who looks like me and AJB, it’s that it’s going to be really, really hard. It also means giving myself up for someone else.
I’ve met people who say that it’s not totally true that you have to give yourself up for your kids; that you can still concentrate on your work and yourself, you just have to find a new balance. My worry is, I won’t be able to do both; I’ll end up spending all my time on kids, forgo my career, become fat, and end up bitter.
Do I feel like something is missing from my life? Yes. It has more to do with my career and art than kids. I feel like I should be doing more, have done more. I feel bad about not really knowing if I want kids because I love kids. I love my nephew, my little cousins and every baby I see in the market. The missing pieces of my life stem from not really doing what I set out to do or not being able to figure things out the way other people do. It stems from the month of March, the big 3-5, my Dad’s death, and realizing I should have had kids when I was 25. Except, I just wasn’t ready. At 25 I was floundering even worse than I am now. No car, no career, a stupid boyfriend I’d never want to breed with, I was living in a junky apartment with 3 other people…Then again, had I just bit the bullet back then, I’d have a ten year old who could help me carry equipment on shoots. Fuck. Of course, my life would be very different now. I might never have succumbed to pressure and entered cosmetology school which means I never would have met AJB.
As usual, I’ll bounce back. I’ll pick myself up and carry on. All those other things? They won’t go away, but eventually they’ll be behind me. Having a baby means taking a leap of faith that everything will be fine and even if it’s not, I’ll deal with it. I hate not knowing. I want to make sure I’m getting the most out of life. You know, more bang for my buck. Am I? Not this week.
When thinking is a crime
In 2006 when Christopher Handley was accused of owning too much Manga, I didn’t hear about it. I heard about his sentencing yesterday. OK, so the basic story is that this guy, Christopher Handley, owns a crap load of Manga. As I understand it, Manga is Japanese Anime in book form. It comes in various forms from completely innocent to totally grotesque. It goes from Pokemon to Tentacle Porn. It runs the gambit of cute fluffy animals having fun in the forest to people having sex with cute fluffy animals in the forest. It further delves into what could be construed as child pornography…or at least, that’s what they’re calling it. This guy, Christopher Handley, apparently owned a ton of it and a good deal of it involved images of children engaged in sexual acts.
Understand, this is artwork. Manga are cartoons. They are drawings on paper. They are Japanese comic books. Handley is guilty of reading cartoons. According to the articles I’ve read, he’s never acted on these images. He looks at them and ‘bates to them. Hey, whatever floats your boat. So tell me again how that’s a crime?
I don’t read Manga, but my step-daughter does. She reads the cutesy teen romance stories. I had Little House of the Prairie, she has Manga. I’ve seen plenty of Manga, it’s hard to ignore when you’re a Comic-Con attending dork and yes, a good majority of it is about sex, implied or explicit. Big boobs, young girls in smaller than small skirts…but not all sex is profane, some of it’s just inferred and a lot of it’s just kid stuff. Television and movies go further than that, so what are we talking about here?
I wouldn’t read the books Handley does and I don’t even really like Manga, but it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t exist. If he’s just reading, collecting, and ‘batin’, where’s the crime? If no one’s being hurt and this doesn’t uncover some illegal Japanese child pornography ring, why is this man serving time? If my step-daughter is reading Manga, should I be worried? I’m not. Not all Manga is bad. How does this effect my life?
It effects everyone’s life. You, me, your mom, everyone. This law basically states that any implied child pornography, even cartoons, is illegal…which means it’s illegal to own or look at Lewis Carroll’s photographs. Does this mean Anne Geddes is a pedophile? She takes pictures of naked children, where do you draw the line? Why is the line an issue when it comes to art and concepts? This is merely a first step to domination, control, and censorship. Criminalizing art? What’s next? Serving time for killing digital men in video games? Will I go to the big house for allowing Mario to fall of a cliff? It was an accident. This may sound extreme, but once we allow people like Christopher Handley to go to jail for READING and THINKING we lose more and more freedom. It happens slowly enough and enough under the radar that by the time people take notice, it’s too late.
Photography by Lewis Carroll
I think most people agree that child pornography is wronger than wrong, but if artwork depicting it doesn’t actually hurt children and the people reading it aren’t physically committing crimes, what’s the problem? What this boils down to it what George Orwell called “thought crimes”; you think bad things and bad things happen to you. If America is the Land of the Free, why are people being imprisoned for THINKING about child pornography? Let me be clear, this man never acted on the images aside from wanking off (sorry, no one ever said that, but it’s pretty obvious).
I don’t know the law, in fact, if I try to read legal forms I glaze over in a dumbfounded haze which can only be cured by funny cat videos on YouTube. What I do know is that yes, a crime has been committed, just not by Handley…but by the American Justice System. OUR justice system, the one that’s supposed to protect us from the baddies of the world. I bet all those cartoon kids are happy Handley is in the clinker. He can’t hurt them anymore. Wait…THEY’RE CARTOONS! They have no feelings! They’re not even remotely corporeal!
The biggest mistake Handley made wasn’t owning kiddie cartoons, it was pleading guilty. I’m not sure why he did this, but he should be fighting for this rights and the rights of every American. Perhaps he didn’t want the publicity, too late. Perhaps he just figured he’d serve his time and go back to his life. And what? Go back to the life where he can’t read what he wants, where thinking bad things is a crime. Thankfully the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund seems to be on the case. Handley may not be fighting for his rights, but other good people are.
When I’m outraged to this level, I ask myself what I can do. I can do two things: I will not be afraid and I will help spread the word. If anyone has any better ideas, I’d love to hear them.
Castile Soap Saves the Planet
Over the weekend, I started writing several blog posts about what I’m doing to improve my life and systematically lessen my impact on the planet. I think about these things all the time and am always trying to figure out how to share my discoveries, especially the really easy ones, with my friends and the two people who read this blog. Except, everything I wrote over the weekend sounded WAY too preachy and was a bit too self-serving. I figure that’s the the wrong approach. All I’m going to do is tell you what works for me, where to find it, and how to use it.
For years I’ve seen this gigantic bottle of Dr. Bronner’s Castile Soap on the shelves of Trader Joes, Whole Foods, and health food stores. I was always overwhelmed by the biblical-era novel written on the packaging and assumed it was one of those creepy soaps that didn’t bubble or foam, that if I tried to use it, I’d end up regretting it as the worst possible purchase. Turns out, it was the best possible purchase in the history of purchases.
Dr. Bronner’s Liquid Castile Soap comes in various varieties like peppermint, hemp, almond, rose, and others. I started out with the mild baby version; not at all sure what to expect. I started using it to replace my shampoo and body wash. Needless to say, it’s pretty awesome, foams like a dream, and has actually started improving the feel and texture of my hair. One thing to note is that if you do use it for shampoo, you need to rinse your hair a little extra, your hair will be squeaky clean – which is an added bonus for the health of your scalp. I also do an apple cider vinegar rinse once a week. I might post on that later.
Along with shampoo and body wash, Castile Soap has replaced my dishwashing liquid. I’ve read that some people even use it in their dishwashing machines but that it leaves a film. I currently wash all my dishes by hand and haven’t noticed a problem. I’ve also started using it as a shaving lather and it works pretty well. I love this product. As an added bonus, it takes very little to get any job done; in some cases just a few drops.
So what’s so great about one product replacing three? Besides the obvious? My preliminary calculations show that we’ll use one 32 oz bottle of Castile Soap every 2 months which means it costs $6 a month. Buying shampoo, body wash, shaving cream, and dish soap costs about $25 a month at $300 per year. Castile Soap comes out to $72 a year. So there you go. Big savings all around. Good for the home, good for the wallet, good for you and your family, and good for the planet. Win times 4.
From http://www.drbronner.com/DBMS/LS.htm:
A combination of organic extra virgin coconut, olive, jojoba and hemp oils, together with pure essential oils, creates a unique soap that cleans effectively without being aggressive and produces a velvety-lather that leaves the skin silky-smooth and refreshed.
* Completely Biodegradable and Vegetable-Based
* Made with Certified Fair Trade and Organic Oils
* Multi-Purpose: 18-in-1 Uses
* No Synthetic Foaming Agents, Thickeners or Preservatives
* 100% Post-Consumer Recycled (PCR) Cylinder Bottles and Paper Labels
* Simple, Ecological Formulations Based on Old-World Quality and Expertise
* #1-Selling Natural Brand of Soaps in North America
Now, they say it has 18 uses. I’ve come up with 4 practical uses which saves me over $200 per year. I think that about covers the addition of more channels to our cable line-up and I can finally watch the Sundance Channel, BBC-America, LOGO, IFC, the Biography Channel and more. Honey, are you reading this? LOGO is playing episodes of Buffy and Biography has Shatner’s Raw Nerve. Must have.
Whenever I find a product that rocks as much as this one, I can’t help but feel on top of the world. I’m also super proud of myself when I manage to save this much money with one simple product. Dr. Bronner, you may be one crazy religious mo-fo, but you make the best soap on the planet.
Where to Find:
* Online at http://www.drbronner.com
* Target
* Whole Foods
* Trader Joe’s
* Most health food stores
Note: If you use for washing dishes in the sink, the basin water will not foam up like you’re used to. Water will turn milky, but trust me…it still works.
Weekly Photo Round Up – Feb 13, 2010
Ok, is it just me or as these weeks going by faster and faster?
Had a pretty great week, regardless of how fast it went. While AJB was out of town, JCS and I got off our asses and visited the Audubon Center at Debs Park – a place I never knew existed until now. It’s great! It’s a natural park with hiking trails and learning centers, they also provide all sorts of free classes like Tai Chi on Sundays. Needless to say, like most natural parks, it’s just gorgeous and what’s better, it’s about 10 minutes from Pasadena, just outside of Downtown. You can discover all sorts of cool things just by driving around and following signs.
The image of our television set is one of the Winter Olympics athletes being interviewed. Me and the kids were making fun of her, so I took a picture and it was all I had for that day. The final picture is our bathroom being fixed after extensive rain damage.
Everything will be fine
I realize what one of my weakest points is: I over-think things. Does everyone do that or do the really successful people in life just go, “Yeah, I’m gonna jump of that bridge” and not worry about what happens when they hit the bottom? Do they assume they won’t hit the bottom? Are really successful people blissfully ignorant when it comes to failure? I’d really like to know.
I suppose the key to success has everything to do with luck, circumstance, and talent. Just like meeting the person you marry, job success has similar right place, right time aspects to it. If {insert actor’s name here} had been sick on the day of their big audition, they wouldn’t have gotten the commercial job which lead to them being discovered which lead to the big movie which lead to the Academy Award. Someone else would have gotten the commercial and might not have been discovered for the big movie which lead to the Academy Award.
Success isn’t just about talent. I look around and I see a jilion other photographers who haven’t made names for themselves but are very good at what they do. I’m pretty good at what I do. No star is born over night. Even in the movie “A Star is Born” Judy Garland had been singing in night clubs for years before she hit it big. She just happened to meet and fall in love with the biggest star in the world who helped her get a camera test. Her talent took it from there. She had the opportunity.
So, without meeting and falling in love with the biggest star in the world, how do you make it big? OK, let’s forget about making it big. How do you make a living? If persistence was all it took, just about everyone I know would be photographing for National Geographic or Vanity Fair. If all it took was talent, every kid at Art Center would be selling their work like hot cakes. Therefore, the likely conclusion is that you must also have opportunity. Yes, we’ve determined that already. So where do you get it? Where do the opportunities live and how do you get your hands on them?
Truth is, you can have all the opportunities in the world, but if people don’t like you, you’re not going anywhere. Conclusion? Success is: Opportunity, talent, personality. I have two out of three. Now to find the opportunities, which seem the most illusive.
I’ve been thinking about personality and how it effects my work. Who am I to my clients and potential clients? While I realize I won’t hit it off with everyone, I also know that I must always be myself. I can do nothing more than that. I see a lot of photographers being really positive and upbeat about the current state of the industry. They also over-emphasize their skills; which I’m not good at. Aside from the insider comments on message boards, most photographers go about their day as if nothing is wrong. Truth is, there is a lot wrong and I worry about it every day. I worry that dumb kids with $50 cameras are making more money than me. I worry that I come off as strange or dorky, but not professional or comforting. I worry that I don’t really know what I’m doing and that by the time I figure it out, I’ll be ready for retirement. I’m worried I don’t have what it takes and that some days, I’m really not even that motivated. I worry that all of these character traits are fine if you’re Andy Warhol or Crispin Glover. I am neither and somehow fall into a category of in-between.
So what if I were to be genuinely honest about how things really are in my business? What if I were to send out my newsletter every month and talk about how it all sucks, that I’m not feeling positive, and that I worry I’m a failure? Would that turn people off? I’m pretty sure if would. Thus, I stay perky. Even when I feel bad, I have to remain confident and as Dry Idea as deodorant: Never let ‘em see you sweat.
Everything will be fine.
UPDATE: About 2 seconds after I posted this, an interesting opportunity came my way. I’ll post more about it when it’s more solidified.
Weekly Photo Round Up – Feb. 6th
Has it been a week already? Man, this week flew by. I feel like I didn’t do anything or get anything done, even though when I think about it, I’ve actually gotten a lot done. I’ve been working on my business website and continuing to tag and keyword all 40,000+ of my images which are being re-imported into my newly purchased copy of Lightroom. It’s a lot of tedious work, but essential.
The rain over the last few days has put a damper on any sort of motivation and all I really want to do is watch TCM and snuggle with my cats. I love the rain. It makes everything look and smell so wonderful. Our grass is greener than ever and the world is clean. Meanwhile, I’ve been listening to a really great Old Time Radio station 1710 Antioch. This station is literally run out of this guy’s house in Illinois and gets a local broadcast range of about a mile radius. He’s streaming online which is how I found him. I really love the DIY aspect of it and even donated $15.00 to his efforts; something I never do. This is what life is about: Doing what you love and sharing it with others. I have to support that.
1710 Antioch runs the gambit of OTR programs from suspense to comedy to science fiction. You’ll hear famous actors who got their start in radio including the wonderful Glenn Ford. You’ll even hear old station bumpers, commercials, and PSAs from the 20’s to the 50’s. Its a blast from the past and really makes me wonder why we need television at all. I mean, all these programs are so great and while all of them aren’t Mercury Theater caliber, it still instantly transports you to a simpler place and time. It also reminds me that nothing can compete with your own imagination; what the scene would look like or just imagining a group of actors huddled around a microphone holding scripts, the sound effects guy in the background clanging bells and knocking on tables. You can find magic in the world if you look for it. Antioch 1710 is magical. Sheer perfection comes with listening at night with the rain splashing on the shingles. The station owner really cares about the shows, fixes audio, and provides really clean recordings. If you do listen, consider donating a few pence to help the guy out. He really puts a lot of work into it.
And now onto the Round Up…
This week’s Photo Round Up contains 6 images – actually 2 are from the same day, but it was such a great photo of Oatmeal, I had to include it. I’m also noticing that my subject matter consists mainly of my cats. I suppose it’s because they’re always around. I should use this project to get out more or at least wander the yard a bit. Then again, it’s been raining. Let’s see how I do next week.
Weekly Photo Round Up – Jan. 30
To update quickly, I DID NOT get that writing job. I received a “do not reply” boiler plate response that didn’t even give me a reason why.
Thank you for your interest in {REDACTED}. At this time, we are unable to bring you aboard. Thank you for taking the time to share your knowledge and passion with us.
So there you go. I admit was a little disappointed, but I think I’ll reapply in a week or so, maybe for a different category. I also didn’t do any research to determine what kind of writing style they like. That might have helped.
Let’s talk about something awesome: This week’s photo round up. I managed to get 5 out of 7 for the week and noticed that I actually looked forward to looking for something to shoot.
If you’re interested enough, you can find the daily images as they’re posted to http://ping.fm/user/photokristen/media/ – the most recent will be on the first page at the top. You can also RSS the page using this link. I give the images funny titles.
An article I wrote applying for a writing job
I love writing almost as much as I love photography. If I can find a way to do both in my life, I will be truly happy. Here is a short article I submitted applying for a writing job for a multi-topic website. The site is along the lines of About.com, but you get paid for submissions. I’m not sure it’s my best work, but we’ll see what happens. I’d settle for “good enough”.
The world is changing. Now, more than ever, families are taking into account their impact on the planet. Regardless of these strides, many still find it difficult to remember to put recyclables in the bin and not the trash. While the world is moving towards a Greener tomorrow, we’re not there yet.
Kids today are inundated with games, electronics, and social networking. More often than not, thinking Green falls on deaf ears. In this wham-bam-thank-you-mame society, how do you get kids excited about saving the planet? At their tender ages, they are invincible. The world only ends in movies or when that cute guy doesn’t like you back.
Parents know that kids require constant reminders for just about everything. From picking up their clothes to putting cans in the recycling bin. Instituting new house rules is often like pulling teeth. Let’s face it, sometimes kids just forget no matter how good their intentions are.
Never underestimate the power of posted signs. Kids aren’t always aware that these days, just about everything is recyclable; from Styrofoam to cat food cans. Kids also like to participate in grown up conversations. Talking to them, asking their advice, and opening frequent dialogs is a good way to keep the planet on their minds. Kids also like new information. Saying things like “Did you know that that water bottle will end up in landfill and it will take 450-1000 to decompose?” gets their wheels turning. Furthermore, fun activities like a family garden give them hands on experience in living self-sufficiently. Get creative and most importantly, make it fun and engaging. Before no time, you won’t have to dig a Coke can out of the trash ever again.
Conquering Eco-Guilt and Saving Money
Several years ago I signed up with a company called Green Dimes; they’re a company that does all the hard work of removing you from marketing and catalog mailing lists. It was around $36 a year and I figured it was worth saving me the aggravation.
Sometime at some point, our subscription expired and we started getting a new influx of catalogs and marketing mailers. This time, I figured I’d bite the bullet and make the calls myself. I started this morning and made 23 calls. I was surprised at how easy it was. Most companies have easy to use options via phone for removing your name and address. Often, you don’t even need to talk to a person. The majority of companies were pleasant and never once did anyone try to dissuade me. Each call, except one or two, only took a minute or less.
Some are harder than others. Target, Kenneth Cole, West Ways, and Trader Joe’s don’t make it easy. Target makes you visit their site, log into your account, and update your settings. The lady I talked to wasn’t able to help over the phone. I’m still not sure if we’re off their list. The catalog comes to AJB so I have no idea what his account info is. That one will have to wait. Kenneth Cole makes you dig through their website and fill out a form. West Ways requires a written request (see address at bottom). Trader Joe’s apparently, does not have a phone number. I couldn’t find one in the Fearless Flyer nor on their website. I ended up submitting a general inquiry form on their site asking to be removed. We’ll see if it works.
All in all, it wasn’t an unpleasant experience. It was a lot easier than I thought and I’ve done two very valuable things: I’m saving trees and reducing clutter in our home. Truth is, AJB and I are both catalog junkies, even though I know better. When they come, we both ooh and ahh over furniture and gadgets, but we hardly ever buy anything from them. I figure, if we want to actually buy something, we can visit the store or buy online. Besides, out of sight, out of mind. It helps us conquer our American-bred addiction to consumption.
Since I was 11 years old, I’m always trying new things to reduce my impact on the planet. It’s just what I do. I don’t do it because it’s trendy. I mean, please…since when do I follow trends? Not often, I can tell you. Green Dimes (now called Precycle) is a great idea if you just don’t have the time, but it really didn’t take that long and I just saved us $36 dollars. I’m keeping a spreadsheet of the companies I called and will watch the mail. This will be an ongoing process, but it beats eco-guilt over all the useless catalogs that pile up in our home that just end up in the recycling bin anyway. I figure, it’s something I can do as the piles accumulate and over time. It makes me feel better and it helps the planet. Hooray!
How To Tips:
1. Grab all your catalogs and make a pile
2. Locate their phone number (usually 800 or 888); most times it’s on the back or somewhere inside the catalog. I found that the inside numbers were usually on every page at the bottom or top or near the front.
3. Look at your address and find your customer number. Most companies will use this to identify you. 9 times out of 10, it’s in a blue box near your address.
4. Call and ask to be removed. Simple.
Because mailing labels are pre-printed, you will continue to receive up to two more mailings before you’re permanently free from their list.
Some companies want written requests, like West Ways Magazine. I’m going to send a postcard which saves on a full price stamp. Ain’t I thrifty?
Attn: Jim Dooley-Green
Westways and Journey Publications
3333 Fairview Rd., A327
Costa Mesa, CA 92626
I met this kid at a party…
Last week, I met this kid at my cousin’s birthday party. I say “kid” because he was 24 years old. That’s 10 years younger than me, turns out. That’s scary. When did 24 years old become younger than me? We chatted for a while about cameras and photography in general. Come to find out, I really like talking about that stuff which concludes that I actually like being a photographer. Go figure.
I told him about Chase Jarvis’ new book “The Best Camera“, a book I haven’t read (actually, I think it’s just a photo book) in which the author uses his iPhone camera to capture some amazing photos. The title of the book is an old photography teacher mantra stating that the best camera is the one you have with you. Further meaning: You don’t need a fancy camera to be a good photographer.
Whenever the youngin’s ask me what camera they should buy, I always tell them what Chase says about the best camera; although I should note, as it’s become a Chase Jarvis phrase, it’s not new. You can be an awesome photographer with your camera phone. I then have to justify why I have a fancy, expensive camera and explain that it’s basically about fronting, looking like a pro, and making myself feel better when I’m on a shoot. It’s about vanity. Oh well, and I couldn’t rightly shoot actor headshots on a camera phone and then charge what I charge. That said, I recommended the kid get one of the Canon Rebels. I love those little guys and they’re actually pretty amazing cameras; you know, if you want to step up from the camera phone.
That said, this kid told me how he’s working on a project in which he takes one photo a day and then at the end of the week, uploads the lot to Flickr. I thought,by jove, what a novel idea. Alright, so all us photographers dabble with that idea from time to time. Some of us do it, some of us don’t. Some of us start and never get anywhere. I actually tried to do the picture a day thing and only made it through a few weeks.
It’s an exercise in seeing more in your environment and dumbing down your gear, living with limits. It’s about stepping away from the main picture and using a camera without a lot of bells and whistles. I do indeed like this idea and realized that I had a lot of fun when I did it the last time. Problem was, I didn’t do anything with the photos and felt it was gratuitous to upload one photo a day of random crap. However, a weekly posting on the week’s shots might be a bit more palatable and easier for me to handle.
I managed to get three this week. The last image is a random one I took while writing this post. It’s not bad for a start. Also note, the two photos of my yard cat, Pierre.
